John Henry wade, John Henery Wade, Corditeifth, Coorditeifth instagram, redrainwater,, Tiffany Rainwater, carneliarocks – Denver, colorado, Colorado

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I never imagined I’d be using one of these sites because I always go for peace but there are people out of there who like to push push for a reaction to blame you or try to treat you like a villain during self defense. This is about bullying.

It isn't worth it one would say but I forgive most things and what was worth it for they destroyed and I don't have anymore so I just want to leave it up. They already sacrificed me and it's not just a one time thing they do, it's like they're malformed or something is missing so that they can't even own up or work it out over who took a picture and it happens in cycles, this destroying people so leave it up. Getting raped and bullied to shut up and blamed is what partially started the schizophrenia and the voices and that's what bullying can lead to so no I'm leaving it up and a caution. John can't tell the truth or know how to say he's sorry bc he and home wrecker get a sick pleasure of hurting other people without real justification. That's not superiority, it's a method to be sociopath and try to turn targetable empaths into the sociopathic ppl like themselves bc they don't like that hatred they felt and want to destroy the good qualities. I'm not in a popularity contest and have felt like the most hated woman before since getting raped or beated so no, but you care about image and selling crap 


I didn't want to know her name and after the hospital I started to convince myself that mean people particularly cheaters destroy themselves and they're apart so I rested more peacefully but felt watched on my private Facebook which I thought was hidden and then home wrecker had found me and messaged me with a profile pic of them looking like people posing kissing meaning to hurt me with this name that I didn't want to know and I felt like she was baiting me. I don't want to know because I used to believe my ex was addicted to me in a loving way and was there for him all the time and this could mean he was worse and than thought. I wasn't intimidated. My younger sis said she's cutesy, but not hot as she feels and him not good looking. I got offended. No she said. She the person who definitely shouldn't have never had my number texts emails pictures private info. I caved in and didn't find much but got annoyed with the obvious agenda on the Pinterest showing a Pinterest focused around mainly men, wedding rings from something before and that summer lingerie and not much else…. but no I didn't think they look good together. I know she's the one that whips him and if you're ever annoyed by the mean people who seem that not caring in how the nicer partners ended up makes them superior have these fake poses and newsfeed leaving out the boring down times or drama they cause behind the scenes, these people were those types. I would think that if my ex looks a lot like her ex husband that started with friend betrayal or betrayal of some sort as well that it would not be healthy and just blind you to the rest of the person with the look alike. 

Later I got an invitation to instagram where I forgot I had an account and looked up them and then saw yes yes he was much worse and a bigger pier, there he was posing in a pic holding hands says after throwing me out. He had thrown me out bc some crazy yelling woman downstairs demanded it and still he blamed me over trust issues denying cheating. I was there everyday, nearly living there and snuggled every night invited over because he said he needed me  and in the last two weeks apparently on the weekends when signs became apparent and I'd ask why is this dating site active and he'd deny it gas lighting it to wifi and then he'd promise to deactivate it when in person. There was never yelling in person. He offered to let me see inside the account to comfort me and I finally took the offered and was surprised that on the night he asked for sex for the first time which was too soon he emailed 22 people in less than half an hour?!? Good most the time….. and this email from a person below the age limit and I didn't think he'd like her type or style and felt bad for her thinking he has a girlfriend and she was complimenting his jaw and saying she could give him a haircut to compliment it. Then concerning the strange emails from my roommate, he floated how he erased those and when I told my former roommate about my day and his account instead of getting for me she got angry as if it was her privacy being invaded in writing my boyfriend?!, I don't hit on anyone's boyfriend especially hers… I didn't this reaction or why if I don't do it why is it okay for her to say she doesn't do it and does it and feel like her privacy is more important than mine when getting her way into to my private life as if trying to dismantle it. I don't understand why anyone would want to wreck their friendship from within and create this awkwardness. She told me when we became roommates before that I am the only girl as a Roomate she ever got along with and she doesn't really have female friends. I should have taken that as a red flag before moving in town at her insistence to be near my relatives and hemp with her children. I had known her jealousy when she was upset over her ex husband and how it spread to every female in her husbands shop so I to protect her mental health took the cue to stand back when her dates came over so she'd have no reason to suspect me. He did cheat on her but writing my ex about getting mattresses in the same week as I went with my boyfriend to ikea picking out furniture with him and playing that show about computer geeks and that he let on that they talked more they talked more but say he never talked to her again since she approached me with his messages between the two. He go on about how she's on her diet or drinking too much wine as if annoyed and it was more content than the few messages she gave me. It was as if she felt entitled to nose around in my private life and made me feel weird that she was dating her former friend's husband and make me wander why is she doing this? I imagined us all meeting, but she just went and found my ex after I showed her because she asked and claimed he found her online. Why? Why would you want trust and this weird feeling and to ruin our happy place and treat me like a stupid because you think I convinced you? Believe me don't? Believe me or you're bad. Well now you're stupid and I'm superior. Do you want to live with these people? They're not experts, they're not relationship experts. Because they change what they do your face and what you agree means they were your boyfriend but it doesn't mean whatever things are is what they do say think behind people's backs in secret because that's why they're called cheaters and not fun to be with. 



Why does homewtecker look like textbook example of someone with daddy issues. I hated the term, but it is haunting me and it is adding up and it’s like this sick prank pulled by my guy friends who used to complain of daddy issues. says more likely to engage in porn and be clingy and likely to homewteck another person and encourage cheating with her to bolster self esteem therefore messing my healing. I hate being reminded of this while in class learning about secure bases. Love the class, but my secure base… it’s as if I’m not allowed to have one or feel confident about it enough to be close or that I won’t be betrayed. The secure base should be as I knew before and tried to prevent someone who’d never do this to me.

Some definitions:

A girl wanting to be submissive and adored by an older guy, who will put her above all others. These Girls are generally mostly friends with guys rather then girls. They are usually rather territorial when it comes to an all male friends group and do not like other girls as a part of it.

James:"Dont invite another girl into this discord." 
Hans: "Why not?" 
James: "Tina will argue until she wins because she got daddy issues."

More likely to home wreck seeking out taken men making it competition with females. They don’t see a happy couple but an enemy who they want to feel superior over.

More likely to seek the attention of older men and cater image around it or gold dig Clingy, possessive, more likely to seek to get attention or in porn, send naked photos soon, be jealous nosy and see women as competition rather than women as friends and to do anything or be submissive to men going to great lengths to outdo another.


Tactics of manipulative and common behaviors: talking louder shutting ppl out to keep ppl split apart from speaking truth or defend themselves to keep their lies effective or control communication flow, talking loudly so others can’t talk to say the truth in front of others or incorporating ppl to help keep them shut out, what are some more? Gossip, cyber bullying and lying when it’s kind of evident, underminding. Guilting over trust to act like you’re trustworthy and then treating the person stupid afterwards like it’s a good trait or means you’re more intelligent but expected them to be a loyal friend and just take it (usually gets worse sadly as they respect you less and less) denying you said something or forgot when you did and knowing it, I know there’s more but haven’t been around if lately but am around great educated beautiful broken ppl who’d never dream of doing that, saying get over it or move on as if despite the time patience they put in there with ppl as if you’re too lazy or hasty with ppl’s feelings to care now, shock and trauma, trauma bonding, 


More often using the word insecurity to shut ppl up and and control them instead of using it effectively and properly bc it's a thing that should be paid attention to. Common sense, a warning. Movie gas light. Origin of word

Bullies manopukayors cheaters narcicjsys sociopaths use common tactics to try to control and separate ppl that you'd wander if they all talk to each other: they want to to be gone and shit up and call you snow flake but it's to enable their manipulation and using ppl, usually accountable and sadly those who believe ppl are better like them and have empathy and get along bc they're great constant forgivers who don't abuse chances and joke about their faults, easy going mature ppl with empathy usually have less trouble being accountable and apologize. 

What's negative is when you have one who causes wrong and doesn't apologize out had a part of it and takes advantage of the one who usually considers again what they did again and apologizes so the other who views aplogong as a weakness treats them like they're weak and abuses that preferring to ruin the beautiful healthy giving status quo and abuse power taking it over bc they may be doing things out of control and trying to keep doing both in secret.

Aren't accountable when it matters and so much to prefer suffering. I don't want to say it's a childhood thing bc I love kids and have seen wY more mature kids than that but it's like they're the nasty kid who acts like being civil kind is a favor as if pretending that they see you as equal or entitled to fairness is a a favor like Zeus the womanizer stepped down and then all his secret women attached you one day while you were carrying his baby and he threw you out treating you like nothing unlike brfore and he's acting like being with Zeus was a gift but you drove Zeus around and picked him up on snow days or picked up things he needed when he was busy working with his money like some wife or took Zeus to get his license and encourage him to help lift him up bc you think he could go far but then you realizeZeus is a freaking monster. 

Anyway…. if you can't be honest and fight over things like using a picture some other kid took and one never gives like most enjoyable adults do who flow on, then no no you're playing with the evil spoiled selfish kid that's sacrafice your baby over a cheap ego boost when you did nothing to them and it's like you're in hell and tired bc instead of enjoying yourself someone is screwing with your reality and trying to deny you of your own thought and who you are and what you did then you're in another game with the mean controlling kid that keeps changing the rules secretly in their head to control you and slight you and feel like the winner as if you're aren't allowed a say or they're constantly secretly violating the terms you both agreed to, then they got you in, and then they're doing whatever but judging you for worse things. 

Phone show up empty house 

They say they're testing when they cheat or arguing you up for out of control betrayal or testing you're reaction when they cheat. Many cheaters have said they were testing but it's a reaction and then they say it's your trust issues, but you trusted them before and yet they just said they're testing you. Haircuts usually mean cheating and I hate how my ex got his haircut with the home wrecker. 

Cut you off from ppl

Hide the victims

Discrete then

Try to render you weaker and hoard the assets like money people credibility 

Choose less dangerous kind empaths and try to shock control make them psychopathic to change and shame them and act like they weren't empaths before but screw them up to say they're awful. Want to destroy the traits they don't have & like switch places, unwarranted jealousy you didn't provoke and usually no just cause for hurting you when you tried to hurt no one. Like Super 8. 

They're being unaccountable and don't have fair valid reasons if they say you wouldn't understand and trying to depose their victims and hide it. Immature ppl 

If someone who you can't think of a reason why they'd wreck you hurt you cheat you then they're in no position to be rational or reasonable in how to fairly treat you because what they did is already unfair and shows they care less. Most people don attacks like that and back away seeing the drama preferring healthier people. That's the worst person pent up with jealousy and bad intentions to have your numbers and private info and you've airways been disrespected if you were minding your business and Shamed to shut up when the betrayal become more obvious to control you so of bourse they're going to try to shake you scare you into shutting up by accusing you of being a stalker before you have the chance to stalk and know they've already been through all your stuff and going through it again not considered and never did consider respecting your place in relationships or privacy but felt entitled to destroy it when you were still strangers. They don't want you to validate your thought ls but Blame you. 

Unhealthy imbalance towards the physical and when cheating although they touched you so it make sense if not attracted they blame you for cheating enough thiggh you didn't change but it's to control. My friend was beautiful and dangerously now and intimidating and more highly educated than the home wrecker and one year younger than cheater. Can't scapegoat it to that bc then it's not true and used to control your well being at your expense so the feeling you had that felt healthy isn't there and muddling you but a sociopath doesn't care as long as the feel powerful to keep things his way and scapegoat blame true or not. Be healthy and enjoy it for yourself but not for a person like that or you'll wear yourself and get stuck in that tiny box of their impossible standards meant to control you. I pity ppl with these imbalanced things and empathsis mostly on the physical bc they they miss out on everything else I they play into this and spend time obsessing with looks so the manipulator cheater has a person suppressing emotions to remain less hazard and being more in shape to be used more like a thing and controlled more easily but not loved by someone trying to act like an expert more than them but really that person should get rid of them and be healthy for themselves so they can grow enjoy the rest of the world to get out that suffocating dizzying impossible small box and that perso should never had touched you or touched you and say they shouldn't had. It's them. It's not you. 

He would talk about ppl sometimes mocking their diets acting like they're fat and seem to talk to them with a different face in private and waxy of them except one thought they had a bond or something while one acted like they hated the other in secret even if a Roomate. I pitied the roommate that the other two talked about together and the hated one and my boyfriend had a favorite…. or he hated them both but when they appeared it was like all chummy and how he liked them. I didn't think it fair that he seemed to hate one just because she was a christian and so he seemed unusually critical of her as if an expert on Christianity but she wasn't going to church and he criticized her over it and I didn't get this hate over religion because he didn't mind talking about his spiritual experience or journey. Religions mostly aren't what the founders set them out to be from the first followers but his roommate seemed to know that yet my boyfriend seemed to judge her more harshly as if the christian stereotype he acted like he hated judging her harsher than Jesus would so he didn't get it. Homewtecker was a bigger stereotyper so although my ex seemed more like a critical thinker I'm grossed out by how much he morphed into sounding and talking like her and being less politically correct and more hateful toward any religion like being a hateful stereotype of their own no different than over zealous Christianity, both of make me run. I like my freedom and no I don't fit into any group perfectly and neither did Jesus, he was more practical and a better critical thinker than these people but my point is they didn't even seem to allow that bumpersticker saying of COEXIST accepting you to think what you want or get along and I am not an extremist and am still gathering information in this life and bible thumping christians and atheists alike make me run away. I'm a paradox. That female was from a religion where they speak in tounges and talking about religion herself on her porn site so it's hypocritical to stereotype me. My dad was a pastor and had to drag me down the stairs and there's a pic of me getting a bible as a child and I'm looking disgusted like I'm some little demon and can't stand the site of the cross or I'll flame up. My sis said no you look sweet. My dad said he had to use  reverse psychology on me. I sway between agnostic and christian but religion was never a problem in our relationship and if she says I was no ex that's a lie and expect that of her if everyone she home wrecks. She won't respect your exes. I'd like to just be and not define what I am knowing that I'm with someone who wouldn't take advantage of me and cares about me but because there are like bad people like that like my friend Joe who used to say "I love it when girls don't ask questions because she thinks she's my girlfriend and the JoJo gets some. Am I a jerk?" Yes so because of guy friends like that I make sure and I'm pretty sure of what I was and haha you can't brain wash me Tiffany rainwater and he had other exes he loved probably and maybe thought were better looking and being a better student in high school with girls on their way to college they probably were better looking. Can you handle that without destroying people or trying to frame people it's no criminal record partly because you're naive embarrassed over sexual harassment charges. Who wants to hang out with you when any moment of you get jealous lose your temper and want to threaten them and escalate it to control and humiliate them yelling at them? I had a TA clearance and a clean record, reputable character and I've been beat up weekly in my last over a suffering person who didn't know what they were doing but were very sick so I'm tired of drama and think there's a deficit in you and something that's not formed right and in other cheaters and manipulators or combers. You like devil horns? I like angel wings and Malificient. So i ask or I listen to hear what I am and this was mutual and yes I was a couple but just not posing in pictures feeling the need to force it because I didn't home wreck anyone nor have anything to prove nor create a mess. Need proof? Ask. I have it and didn't think I'd be getting home wrecked by someone trying to change my history and brain wash me because they have such this narcicistic need to control and out of control jealousy. Yes I was told I was loved. Watch out. He said something about wanting to me and sounded like him for a bit even if crude but I went over to his house based on invitation (I have my sources if you were trying to frame me). I thought it's my last day at work and as if my roommate let them know and betray me giving more of my privacy to me and power over me and access…. but I went intending to just talk and then when I got there and knocked no answer. They wanted me to look stupid or fought over the phone because then it was just garble on a text that I couldn't make out and I waited. Three hours before my last day at work. I turned around and got a text about being home and waited on the door step only to have no answer but garble and I don't know what happened but wandered if something was trying to frame me to arrest me when I was cheated on and a daily invited guest and then this mad woman claiming it was her who just met him and wanted me suddenly arrested then said oh don't worry, it's no big deal. Just 24 hours before the drama queen things were rational people reasoned and I was told they wanted no one else and they didn't care about the account and would delete it and there's never was anyone else so I could go back to trusting him the way it had been most the time and then we snuggled sleeping as we did everyday before that and then the account was up and I was dumped over trust issues the same hour a yelling mad woman showed up as I went hone feeling guilty after getting my things from the house and for a while Blamed myself and apologized until this female who posed as the roommates unless they swayed them that it was her on his phone all the time. Never blame yourself for all, take accountability for what you think you did but not all because that makes healing take longer. Apologizing over infidelity is the soonest way to heal and not blaming the person you cheated on because to blame me over trust when I did trust till they cheated isn't relevant if they cheat with a female who doesn't trust and is in his accounts like a jail warden and then gets him to deactivate okcupid as if to insult me after I'm thrown out. Well I went online checking instagram seeing it's worse. More fake. Where am I? They're getting physical and after loving me telling me is days after throwing me out getting physical with her in cheesy tacky photos in bad taste with her already after two weeks saying I love you and him saying I love her porn site instead of her so I wouldn't think love and I say this because she tried desconstrctimg my relationship. 

Lingo charming social worker home wrecker not charming enough to lure away but social worker words was watching love and made me feel in love and nothing as crude or bland as homewteciers conversation. I began to doubt my coversing I was proud of 

I'm in the bed less than 24 hours of being told I'm loved and they wNt no one else, there is no one else and then homewtecker wants me arrested and I am the victim and wronged one here and this is what I get for trying to trust reason be peaceful empathetic forgiving that anytime they want to cheat homewtecker would say throw her out arrest her frame me make me look like bad when (she's not healthy at all nor what she says or him) lured me to house to look bad or arrest. Never called work. Never went by so reported him. No criminal record and had a ts clearance and expected to keep a good character. I'd smoke pot but pot makes me psychotic and not allowed to. 

Am I fine? You're beautiful. Asked once and felt loved for me and defiantly not bc of an impossible standard but me. 

When cheater saying he was validating his ego. 


Made me envy but with respect for her with that beautiful writing. I score high on biology and physics and all but grammar is not my forte and I have famous writers in the tree fat back but me…. I may dyslexia and it's my genes but I feel like a hypocrite bc though I have spoonerisms I still doubt dyslexia is real but the genes say so and I figured my eyes just got tired and then must have not been so bad but it sure explains childhood. You have to catch up after shyness is lost and we learn new ways to survive. 

 No one noticed the narciccist while they think ppl are following their every move or filming them like Celbrity and think they'll notice their hair flip or if I wear it down and that'll get them dreaming as they notice my neck. Reality is no one is noticing the hair flip but worrying over themselves or a child or work and their interests and how great is to feel safe loved and laugh and how ppl are so bestuful but not like a stereotypical model vain way but by how they make you feel and you'd never change their quirks different things about them but love them. 

I feel like going towards a certain type or someone who looks like your ex (esiecyally if that ex was taken from a friend and from betrayal) then you become blind to the things that don't match up or the lack of chemistry or incompatible differences or things that make the relationship unhealthy bc you were already trying to fit it into the mold of the old relationship


You tried defining and brain washing me when you weren't known of by him yet and there to tell me what happened but you were too blinded by ego to be creditable or take seriously. 

Does she do this to ppl and victimize them bc she was accused of sexual harassment at work and the female felt uncomfortable saying the pictures were inappropriate though home wrecker claimed she'd send those pics to her mom, but I wandered differently bc home wrecker and ex sent a naked photo of them fornicating and it wasn't pretty while I was pregnant. I couldn't breath. My friend said you can report that, but I didn't. So they wanted to file a complaint. Soooo is this her way of trying to turn the situation around again and take it out on me. Has she been called a stalker

I knew a womanizer who led woman on cane in strong and then get evasive after gaining their confidence after feeling them out calling them stalkers and crazy or trash…. but later admitted they weren't and using stalker was just to a term to scare them bc like a bad word to get away fearing repurcussions for their actions

His house did get broken into by the female he lived with and cheated on and bc he wasn't giving her back her stuff and I realized he cheated and this whole time had a key logger on her computer when she finally start leaving finding another but didn't admit he cheated imposingly on her. 

I feel like guys who admit they're assholes jokingly are more safe than sociopaths or secretive cheaters like my ex who'd be like I love you then in walks yelling barber porn wanna be yelling throw her out in less than 24 hours of saying I want no one else. There's no one else. You are safe. Be open hearted. And not once with me did he really touch his phone nor I. It wasn't a rule we talked about but just how it was and I wrote little in my journal never crying. If you cry it's bc someone hurt you and it means they're not doing right and emotions do play a role in relationships and shouldn't be surprised bc it's great emotion if they're good and never cried. I wanted to document my relationship and posted maybe two pics but that's all and my accounts visited less. If I'm not on there I'm doing better and living in the present. If I'm on there I'm obsessively writing on my journal emotional crying

She sent me her name and found me on Facebook on my private account trying to ruin my holiday when I didn't want to know and it felt like bait. She texted me from her phone. I wanted to block it to not be reminded again bc it was like baiting to keep me away and mentally control me and 

They look great together? I see the same mistake repeated and on started in the same wrong way and I see Daddy issues where you'd praise encourage his cheating with you and boost his ego to do it by doing everything to hurt the woman and villainizing her just to win even if wrong, but God forbid If they do that with someone else and to you so you cut it all off and are like this nightmare Trojan horse wrecking nicer ppl from within and treating them like criminals. I guess instead of trying to reach a hall medium or be diplomatic with ppl who harassed me in no win situations I should've reported them instead of tried reasoning bc in these cases and her they go for everything trying to turn it on them Cornering them like Comey. I tried reasoning with my rapist for an apology to see if I could move on privately by asking for apology but instead knowing my shyness he preferred to shut me up by deflecting even if offered middle ground and I realized it was about power he wanted over ppl to discard them like trash and I just wanted to know my well being mattered since he threw me away like that. 

Told my therapist about how I felt baited and how stalking came up with my rapist so I went only and liked him up and she said that's not stalking nor illegal if in person. I read about Kobe Bryant. I told my stalker I'd go to court. I got an apology immediately as they sat with their therapist and then I looked over to validate what I saw felt that they had deflected back on me and it was worse and so despite feeling a brief peace it took me longer and I went off on them from all the suppressing for one year. It was the first year I ever said fuck uou. I would always freeze and shut up if I approached ppl wandering was it my tone and ppl would shame me. Clear your world of those ppl. 


Psychotic pill feeling suicidal and sick. I feel suicidal but during a rain storm a nurse showed up banging on my door. I let her before so she could rest and look in my closets to see that no one is here. Maybe I should pretend to be gay bc I'm the only straight one in the building and it makes me look like a suspect. I want to be friends with ppm in the building, not date them and sorry but my neighbor drinks too much and I'm more into happy mediums. Esiecyally no if I saw how he honeymooned her and discarded her and pretended to move but just switched rooms. I did nothing. My building manager noticed and stop stalking her. The interest was putting me in danger but that woman was so nice and sadly abused and had every bone in her face broken on a boat and doing that in that way wasn't gentle and just making it worse. He never should've touched her instead of saying I never should've touched her but he touched her and then treated her less tesiectfullu like garbage like putting her more so into shock. It was a huge turn off that you'd act like it's ok to use someone like that. 

I can't stand the newsfeed filled with crap seeing how much ppl obsess about their bodies and worry over all the ppl compromising themselves changing to look ridiculous and missing out on everything else. It's so unbalanced in an unhealthy way. I regret how far down I got dragged into that impossible standard as a girl when I wish I had better things on my mind when most ppl didn't notice 

If you did this why didn't enjoy us having each to ones one and wanting the best for each other? I know you call your kids teachers but mine… if you do? Why'd you do that? And make things uncomfortable? And expect me to be stupid and deny it and then treat me stupid bc you did and get rid of me like I'm the bad energy for you to feel comfortable when you created this? Ever be happy wanting someone everyone to not be alone and have the best? I was so wrong. You see it strength or being sneaky smarter in putting us through this to undermine ppl and treat them stupid? When you say that out of context so I stuck around to understand then hey… I was right but why do you want to try to catch me so much in a mistake and make me look bad and trip up yourself? You did it just to insult me or embarsss me but it backfires? I pity ppl who feel sad about not completing something like school but cope by spewing out vocabulary and insults and being condescending bc the high achievers doing it at typical ages usually don't feel the need to do that and I just wanted to say it's obvious and makes ppl wander and speaking on a level to relate to ppl is a form a beautiful form of intelligence I want especially being a former social phobe. Simplifying it categorizing it into a flowing beautiful system. I think that is part of development and getting along and when you do that to ppl you're trying to control their perception of themselves. If you think open relationships is more sophisticated and mature and some guy told you that that you thought was cheating then that sounds shady and maybe he was cheAting and combing you and I wouldn't call him the expert on relationships bc he violated terms and doesn't know accountability. 

There was no lull. It never slowed down. No cancelationds, can you come over. I only noticed the frequent online activity in the last two weeks during work hours and his work hours seemed to get slightly longer as he promised me gloated over we will go camping and take work time off since he worked me around his work schedule and we couldn't be together during daylight when he worked, but it was first to say good morning, last to say good night. Next to me at night with barely a day in between and me sneaking in texts at work when I started working to keep him calm. While I thought o was helping assure someone who seemed to panic that I did too bc I've been hurt and thought I'll give him no reason to worry so he can relax and feel as I do since I felt calmer since meeting him, at the same time though he didn't date for two years or get involved while working on self like scared me of four years alone concentrating on career and deployments bc that's unfair to ppl I wandered if he would panic and rush in so I left my phone around him, never got on it. Once I got a job offer on the phone and being timid during interviews walked downstairs in front of him that morning to interview and noticed him walk downstairs and look at me and strangely then go back up. I asked my roommate if being online made me look like a strayer to my roommate bc as soon as I was on, he'd contact me, and she said no. So I got offline so he'd feel better to feel as I did and try to rise up to his smothering bc although I said I'd avoid addicts alcoholics bc it hurt me, he seemed stronger and more disciplined and I like happy mediums so I was ok ill help calm him and it would calm me. It was constant throughout the day and in less than 24 hours 

I found it ironic that home wrecker called me a bitch several months later after what she did and was like and still like after all this time. I know getting called a botch is the price of defending myself even if I lose more love or chances defending me or having ppl back I regain the world and myself the truth and validation instead of being subjected to them for something that used to be healthy and fuklfilling without power trips or the need or urge for them but sincere care and giving. It just takes a long time for the brain to go through withdrawal after they are with you constantly and I don't believe in cold turkey. Cold turkey from medication makes me vomit for two weeks and maybe longer but I went to the ER so I don't know if I would've thrown up longer. Same with ppl and shock and closure. Lazy and abusive to treat ppl you were with to say get over it move on and act like it's no big deal but the tiniest thing or my presence is way more offensive to them if I'm at peace with them? Healthy ppl don't try to destroy ppl they were with, but preserve them when parting. Not pick them out with the intention to discard them like trash and use like things bc if that's the way they handle it, they should have never touched those things. And you believe the opposite you are an irresponsible lazy narciccist too irresponsible to be handling ppl or their emotions or relationships or well being and can't calm the shots on what's best for them. You'd lead them them to suicide and probably the person to talk to if with a person. On a ledge and they'd jump off as the narciccist escalates the situation

I feel like Super 8 and they're the scientists or Malificiant and he's Steven after they cut her wings off or Wonder Woman when she realizes not all men are naturally good…. and pushed over like Coyote except I was chasing no one and then a bolder falls on me and then a bird lands on the bolder and maybe it rains, but I like rain. 


My last ex's excise was treating me stupid for getting cheating on then he blamed my reaction to the cheating which he acted like was testing but it was cheating. Narcicists lists often cheat and often act like it's a test when no it's disgusting exchange of bodily fluids then exposing you to that when you were smothered by a guy who acted like he wanted you monogamous and a dog and house and talked about vacations and us going up or me going up again. It discounts trust as an excuse if I trusted and you say you tested and blamed my reaction which was a defense of texts and the most it got, because that means you don't trust yourself if you test but narcissists feel entitled over others. 


They're tooo costly to ever be worth knowing or again bc they throw tears of healing or therapy recovery and making my world healthy supportive to live in the presence once again to be myself once again our easily just like that priding themselves on how ruthless they are and how they don't care. Eventually after shock I can't care either about these people but just get disgusted for every person they harm and don't care about how long it takes them to recover. It was too costly and those years of healing and still not feeling the same or having trouble recollecting what happiness health feels like again is hard to remember that they'd gas light you destroy you to a taste conditioning you to shut up and obey and morph yourself to trust again and live with it not caring for you to be the way you were with them to get used t it which is something no one should've expected to do and if that's their expectation to use you and do that then they should have never touched you or touch anyone. It's similar to a batterer wife feeling. I'm like I don't want to lose the way I was and the depression voices get louder and go back to that bc after if was lifted I realized how unhealthy it was to be that way for so long and that my environment was had. I'm not supposed to be depressed accourding to genetics. I'm supposed to me mentally strong which was true after a few traumas. 

If he hurt you and acts annoyed over crying and acts like emotion is annoying and you were fine before the wrong doing then it is his problem and he shouldn't do things to make you cry and acting annoyed is his way of controlling you to shut up and make you feel like it's all you and to keep you and keep doing. He didn't appreciate my secure side or that I never cried before or didn't demand to hold his phone passwords or forbid looking at another female or having female friends but from a dating site no. No. The thing is I didn't look for a problem most luxurious and throughly. I was enjoying trust and feeling myself again and then ppl brought it to my attebtion

 My healing and improvement and those years were priceless and I don't think their ego boost on hurting others was worth it. There was no valid excuse for the way they did things not valid reasons. There are so many better ways to treat people and you people seem to go for the worst one. Why would anyone take a chance on you knowing this? Why I'm never taking this down. I don't care, I really can't. It's impossible to for you people and I tried thinking of every scenario or reason for why you treated me or others like this and thought of myself and tried thinking of the female of innocent of it and tried empathcozing or if it was my fault but that's what gas lighting does to your head and it prolonged healing and I know they'd never want this to be done to them so I can't care anymore. You already sacrificed my reputation well being environment and too many years worth of healing to take longer to cope again and I can't. I can't respect these people. They're so ugly. How did people naturally get so ugly? Or what justification do they get for treating strangers or loyal people like this? They treat you weak abusing power to treat you stupid weak crazy if you go from empathy trying to understand or reason to firm or judging them later dragging you down then call you bitch? Which I found ironic since they were a bitch the whole time and him a sociopathic cheater and being a bitch is the price of defending yourself eventually. I don't believe in being a natcocstic spoiled princess demanding respect or be taken to better places in an unreasonable way ecsoecually if it means hurting the innocent girlfriend in place nor that driving up their value bc then value is dillusion all and over inflated elephant legs. I'm appreciate of little things but don't believe that if you find someone appreciate you do the bare minimum and disrespect them less and start cheating acting as if it's ok to secretly cheat on the more trusting less nosy one and spoil and show off to hurt the one you wrecked and then cut them off from ppl or just be like I like getting whipped for sexual favors and blow jobs. 


My Roomate said yes I know people who do that, but he does that because he's sad about it. Maybe he'd stop or feel better if he finished for himself. She's so sweet. Deserves better than me and definitely home wrecker and cheater and I fear her encountering people like them or getting combed conditioned manipulated by someone trying to convince them this is the way we do things who doesn't care about her well being. 


Worse than grey worm. You're no John. Grey Worm lets his character slip less than you do and he seems nicer but like Sasha I and her still wander if we had it right after making our decision, we were just slow but that's what manipulation and gas lighting does, it ruins the present and sends your head in circles dulling you as they mess with reality. 


I felt bad for the Roomate you talk about together then you act oh so perfect and shame he over being in bed the second you pop out of bed when the reason we stay in longer with me awake longer is bc of you staying every day but roommates wake up and you're like oh Shane me? What? I like mornings. You used to say yes we can go outdoors more wake up. I think you two should be cautious of ostracizing one roommate over drinking when my ex is atecoverlng alcoholic and hypocritically takes out an alcoholic to a wine bar to cheat on the weekends that he's too busy to work on to take me out as he said I want to do while I do bitch work and shames my roommate over her wine and then you  cheat with a yelling drunk girl being like oh I love drinking and shame me over my pina coloada. Stop doing things in extremes and try a more balanced approach or happy medium. Am I supposed to believe these people on your phone acting like I'm a villain who did the wrong for getting cheated on and pregnant are one of the roommates you hate and you're gummy and they hate me now or all hate me now or it's the home wrecker as they said it's been me the whole time. I don't think they're worth knowing. When I see her blog I just feel compassion for her classier more sensitive former childhood friend as the home wrecker floats over how she knows relationships and her former friend's relationship was nothing. To watch that? To see her ruining her environment for getting back stabbed and still acting like she is the villain. Wear the devil horns then because the devil causes messes and misery and splits up circle of friends and you asked then why females aren't your friend but have more now and if you could find other mutual home wreckers to use your same nullifying tactics and just go for like ppl like you dating ppl like you to have a sense of acceptance or feeling right then fine. You destroyed the circle of friends. Please wear your horns and rip off that idea from Frida who was serially cheated on and betrayed but did get along with the precious wife but please don't act like you're a Malificient bc you target the people who didn't cause your problems. I'm Malificient, my ex is Steevan. I'm naïve like Wonder Woman realizing men can be bad  looking over DNA results confused saying I was born with a surplus of empathy and trying to make pitiful excises for the people without but in knowing in doing so I'm going to get hurt again. I felt embarrassed during that part of the movie when Wonder Woman wandered why they're still fighting. 


I'm not dangerous, definitely less destructive of people like you and I definitely care more about what happens to people even those who hurt me and before I got schizophrenia it was easier to forgive someone who beat me up because they weren't themselves at times when drunk and seemed to be suffering all the time and apologized and I just pitied them because they were a danger to themselves but since getting schizophrenia when I see movies of people exacting revenge from an unjustified ruined life where they were previously minding their business and it had made them unable to bounce back and before and forgive.. then I think well the enemy got to have a good life and this poor guy just out on everything like kids and most of their life and suffering and death seems too sweet like putting one to rest now so I like joke better revenge would be like if the person who messed with their well being making them suicidal went schizophrenic and suffered. I couldn't wish on anyone but they worked so hard to shock bc they love that now it's effortless to wish them scjophrenic or Leggless and still not care and still I don't think o can have pity bc he's the kind that I did try to help out and recover and the he screws over the ppl who helped them narcistically. He's no in sickness and in health person but a sociopath and user taking the time of those patient with him for granted and spoiling reinforcing the bully in those like home wrecker acting like their time is more valuable as if they'd disappear thinking he can get anyone back that was forgiving before and I can't enable this mentally. It's not romantic, kys disgusting and using ppp like things wasting their chances and chance to heal again and he's lost his value as a person to me. 


Oh look I'm not likeavle when I defend myself but neither are you excuses nor what you did and in defending myself I lose love but I gain back a bigger world better the truth instead of the villain you wanted me to be or feel like and away from the brain washing 


You put up anyway excuse and chsjgd it and nothing is consistent

I don't think everyone is shit nor comparisons to stereotypes are true and I'm disgusted with how pathetic my ex is for being desperate to agree with a nasty classless stereotypes just trashing everyone else in the world typical of narcicists when they actually take away from life and ruin people. I'd take most ppl's company over you and all the exes you cheated on that were innocent or her former friend but not her first husband who doesn't care to get between friends

I think you are bad for that company you want to be part of if you convey an image that it's ok to dehumanize females families and hurt other ppl who had never harmed you and hurt families. Yo The just crest a negative stereotype. There was no negative connotation nor hate towards them nor did most mind or think them evil but interesting but you just mess up your own image and self making them look bad by being evil and dehumanizing other women and trying to popularize disrespecting other people and hurting their feelings. No one was christian shaming or slut shaming to begin with but was his your way of deflecting what you did while you stereotype multi faceted ppl to blame them when they're innocent. You're work is an illusion of stereotypes made up as excises. Sex and the city was great, you are not. How you treated your friends or others would never be acceptable on that show. That's why they were implying you're not blossoming or getting wiser but trying to hard to be shocking or look superior by being hurtful and traitorous by going for whatever you see to get attention. If you wanted to be famous you think you'd b kind and respect others relationships and your own friends boundaries but it'd be better to be kind anyway as if nothing to hide or destroy to be ashamed of like me and not for the sake of being dampus. That'd be fake, but I see even on this unknown small scale and getting older beyond the age limit you set on other females you hurt that you're already fake. If you stereotype religion then you don't get the point of the journey nor what happened nor are part of. It's kind of telling that your sibling is the nicer one and you're not fair to her too at times and can't even own up to petty things for the sake of flowing yet expect respect after you've hurt innocents. I hope ppl saw through you for the sake of your sibling if you ever tried hurting them and I think your mother deserved a better behaved daughter than this 

Game of Thrones deaths if it quick, yet gruesome I think well they only suffered a few seconds and then died having lived well selfishly by hurting others most the time? How's that revenge is they didn't go crazy insane and become schizophrenic losing it all instead and knowing they did bad things….. but Theon's plight yes. I don't have much I'm ashamed of and my reputation already got ruined and I still at least feel better about myself knowing I made more money than you and went through life without intentionally hurting ppl they had never harmed me but you people, you destroy or hide ppl you hurt so there you are hiding what you did. 

Pinterest, lingerie wedding ring rubbing in baby acted like my baby was nothing


He Hated blond roommate talked about together and I thought cruel, thought of roommates disdainfully having thrown out and like we don't talk

Doesn't talk of exes but if so like hatefully or letting it slip… no one cares about your rant lady (over a post he's reading online from another)

If saying seeing an old friend and looks at you like you did something bad then that means it's to cheat and this is like a trap to pin guilt even if you trusted him or gave no reaction, it confused me bc I wandered what I did to get that sudden tone, a 180. 


Yelling at me over emails

Tv show

I should have took it as a warning when my former roommate said they Never gotten along with roommates except for me as if not having female friends is popular and appealing and when she liked my offer to help pace her running but then said  I don't bond with girls and canceled getting stranger 

It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth when I think of home wrecker and my ex and now I know what that saying means. It really is a bitter taste. I remember when the person who turned into Mr Hyde and kept abusing me began to smell different in a bad way and it was like this protective mechanism. 

Why do you woman hate you wandered?

You encourage and lift up ppl to cheat with you as if it's not wrong but when it comes to you you're way more like a warden and a hypocrite not wanting someone like yourself around them bc that's how you got in. So at the point when gf's begin to defend themselves about things changing and feeling hurt you encourage them to deny it an act like it's ok and good to cheat, not really cheating and then you cut them off from everything and are the hypocrite making the person gf the enemy from day one

If with a guy friend and they joke about cheating I don't care about having their attention or favor like you do but joke back saying that's wrong if they ask if that's wrong. I do not rage the opportunity to be the favorite. I don't need to be the favorite and suck up tear ppl apart for others expense. 

I was hurt how instead of deactivating it like promised a few times he only activated it after we broke up and never seem more fake people posing in photos snuggling three days after breaking up and throwing me out and still he was blaming me over trust. The excuse changed from we are just friends and in an open sexual relationship to it wasn't home wrecking because you were never a couple to everybody cheats or everyone gets pregnant to (treated my own life casually as if it was nothing to hurt me yet she threw a tantrum getting offended over every little thing. 

If there was a hostage situation or person on a ledge these people as in a homecwtecming situation would escalate it instead of reason. 

Purposely say they didn't say that to hurt or frustrate is a form of gas lighting

Shannon Thomas is a good therapist to read for avoid these behaviors.

If you wanted to be a suicidegirl model I would give them a bad name or associate them with trashing other people or whole groups or your best friend for a wedding ring or associate their organization with home wrecking. The pictures of the actual models can be in good taste and maybe they're better people than you but I don't associate them with homewtecking or hurting others and betrayal. I don't think anyone hates one group or the other or there is this war against different stereotypes as you claim or deflect after you cross someone's boundaries or disrespect their relationship. That's deflecting and is a disservice to whatever group you want to represent or I don't think you should speak for them and promote trashing people. They probably want an image better than that

You seem to have more friends now, but wandered why don't I have more female friend? Well I thought of course they may see homewtecking your childhood friend as meaning you'd hurt and respect no one so why risk your company if you loose everything? Betraying my friends doesn't even enter my head. Some were just being mentally healthy. 

I showed up invited on my ex's doorstep and then got a garble of text from him but it made no sense. I wandered if for the chance for closure I was risking being framed but decided to keep my texts as you should as proof for these shady people. That night I found out my sweet empathic brother tried to kill him self but survived and was coming up to recuperate but I couldn't forgive. Forgiveness used to be easy and old married couples are great forgivers but being pushed over the edge I can't mentally not when they purposely went in for the shock to do their worst and acted like my baby wasn't nothing nor like having me suffer and my mental health wasn't nothing or being a vet was nothing. 


It's more apparent presently what an asshole my ex is and looking sleezier than ever and balding and shorter than he says. What's on the brink? ….. so you're saying everyone else is having a financial crisis and making money is easy for you? All $14 am hour? Bitch please! I went from soldiers pay slowly to 6 figures at times and was lucky and I'll rise again but what you did was not worth my well being and you can't touch me or wreck my environment. I'll be humble now instead of talking my talk. You bragged about hair dresser pay? I've developed a prejudice for hair dressers since then which I feel bad about because I know some nice people in it but home wrecker embodies the ideal of a narciccist and desperate for men attention so they created their life around it trying to get into porn. They condone your type here. I'm not impressed with your method of ostracizing and trash talking your coworkers to get ahead at work and getting them fired and laughing over the change in their mental state when they're paranoid. I don't think it speaks of your skills if you sabatouge people. That's a hostile work environment. It's like you're a sociopath and many comsnies see what you do as wreckless and bullying and highly unessesary and too wreckless with the well meaning of others. Whose an artist? You? Her? Me, but that's be too narcissistic to assume that'd be about me and so you call your site "fuck you phptography?" What's that mean? Your HR cared a lot more than I thought you bully. You're not impressing me with your skills if you felt the need to screw people over and no I don't believe you getting a raise to $14 an hour is worth screwing them up and that they're more expensive than a few dollars. I had a blessed career for a while, but I was grateful and not bragging about myself and screwing people over, no I pushed forward sometimes aside when I ran into few people like you but what they didn't was against policy and I wasn't proud of them but grossed out. It's like you're trying to compensate for not graduating high school by trashing and destroying other people and calling your former friends making more money than you awful people. While I think high school people can do great and innovative, you are not the perfect example of what to do. You mean while I was pregnant you were obsessively online cheating st work, so if I work, you cheat so work is that easy? The compensating is kind of obvious from the beginning that it envoked pity in me but I didn't see the asshole, but someone with the need to try to make others feel stupid to lift yourself up…. because while your Dad sounded great, you seem snobby cruel feeling over entitled at times like you'd screw people over playing into their pity. I wandered how you'd deal with deployments if I ever did?  I love working around these better intended people in a more professional environment who've I could never imagine screwing people over or trashing people on blogs or gossiping or sabatougibg people at work. They impress me and I'm great of how almost normal like in a good place where there's rationality when I'm around them and I forget about nasty people like you and the home wrecker that prefer to screw up heads and just throw people's environments and instead of pleasant thoughts, invoke my cortisol to rise. If you can't have any feeling or get emotional and condone it and are the cause of it and abusing teens you kind of set with me then you shouldn't be in relationships and just hook up with consensual sociosexuals who know the deal instead of preying on better deserving empaths who took the time to be careful and hurt no one because it's never worth it to touch them and waste their well being so they have to recover again. Their time is more valuable precious than yours hers since you've sacrificed too many well beings and should spend time alone ostracized. I had trouble as feeling empathy after they destroyed my assets environment ruining my basic needs so if course it was harder to feel empathy and I was depleted. I'm passionate about healthy living and mental health and it's easier to empathize for those with disorders or mental disorders, but I can't pity him or her during her pity parties over depression when she ruins home wrecks and goes for their mental health rubbing it in and flaring to their symptoms on purpose treating the victims who never meant harm much suffering. I can't pity her when she is bragging using my former support system and did that to her former friend. She's destroyed other people and when I see a pity party I can't pity but feel like it's nothing compared to what she did to others ruining thei network so they have no support and making them start all over while bragging how their world barely changed so they can't get along and just throw out their victims ruining their lives instead. I was functionable, blending in with my schizophrenia that started after trauma and I was grateful for little things and support and doing better and it's like him her  tried their best to screw he up then get off on my symptoms reappearing as they messed up my surroundings network sense of trust and security and mocked my disorder which I was private about but sadly I saw they're the kind to to exploit it and abuse when it did start from the betrayal and gas lighting and I have my sources, my proof because for myself since I was minding my business until it became obvious, I went checking things to validate what I saw because theh had blamed everything on me and I realized he was sleezier than I imagined he could be and more cold hearted and sinister about cheating and her too. No they were much worse that the worst case scenario I asked for. If you want to judge me by my schizophrenia, which I can tell when it's not real, then ask for proof because I have nothing I'm really ashamed of compared to what they did. I used to hold back whisking schizophrenia on anyone and never heard of a disorder before where life expectancy is calculated lower because of the high rate of suicide, but I akways held back catching myself wishing schizophrenia on people until I woke up about them and wish it on them but they would know that they hurt people ok life and bullied and threw away the well beings of other people bragging priding themselves on how they don't care what happens to them. The only worse thing I fear getting besides amputation is huntingtons disease because at least I had other kind broken people sitting with me who'd been traumatized by nasty people including a girls who felt to guilty to turn in her father who raped her and wouldn't apologize, another empath. I felt bad for the huntingtons girl who they told me was very sweet and talkative the year before but now was frustrated and getting violent out of frustration and being able to communicate like she's a prisoner inside. I went in voluntarily because the meds made me feel so uncomfortable and suicidal before but I had found a way to cope before you without meds and a healthier environment and healthy minded honest rational nonimplsive backstabbing people and things going on to limit stress. I could blend it and just pop a joke about it now and then but you instead of stopping your cruel behavior chose to do your worst and just say get over it, get help like a bitch or sociopath you are who messes people and then say that's your problem though life would be better and less expensive if they reformed changed people like you that so eagerly proudly sacrifice well beings. I felt like I was around educated rational honest people again when they started validating everything that happened as messed up and said that's horrible because back in your worlds you like to ostracize people to make them feel they are wrong for feeling hurt so I don't will never have pity for you people nor blame your depression because I have thus and more self control than either of you people and never yelled in public or got violent nor cheated or impulsively messed up a life like that. I'll never accept what you did as ok and not enable your behavior as ok as other people have so you do it again more effortlessly with less guilt the next time in cycles. My life got exposed and my privacy ruined. You can't take more from me. Where I'm at now you can't gold brick it, no they kick you out for bullying and you have to work to provoke yourself and it's on you if you mess up most the time and there are better intended more educated people than you here than just make me want to go higher and we help each other out and there's no need for nasty backstabbing and would think you people ludicrous. 


My bf cheated with a person on a porn site, a rejectedpornmodelapplicant who pays for their subscription after she found him on okcupid offering a hair cut

Mine was a smotherer and I was  supportive and there for him all the time because I thought he needed that so would stop  his panicking and build trust and confidence in him & that seemed to work in a  way too and we seemed very happy and I trusted him and then the slip of the mask and him secretly talking with my former roommate I hadn't introduced him to although before that she wanted to see his profile. And then gas lighting, more gas lighting even with evidence, more apparent cheating, exposure, him still wanting control then the devaluing and discarding phase.(I loved and valued the trust and safety I thought we had)I ended up being kicked out while pregnant over trust issues while guilting me over it, then I registered there was an angry yelling female involved in porn homewrecking me from downstairs and yelling "throw her out", another narcissist with a history of homewrecking her friends who did not care about humane treatment fairness, others relationships, or others needs being met or how unjustified her or his actions were. I believe in doing no harm to others. Her name is Tiffany Rainwater and her porn name in Carnelia on suicide girls, the rejected applicants who pay membership to be naked. How'd I get into this after years of being abstinent and uninvolved while learning after rape and abuse that I just wanted healthy real things and now it was ugly and trash. It made me more demisexual and I felt surrounded by sociosexuals trying to turn me into a villain for getting cheated on and they went on to say I my relationship was not real and I was stupid to believe what they said or that I was special to them like the bullying kid who manipulates games changing the rules when losing. It destroyed my life and my esteem and support network, and resulted in rebuilding moving, and this woman played the victim like I was an intruder being walked on and immediately my ex switched faces making me the enemy. These people never go punished, but seem to get their behavior reinforced by flaunting people they poached and publicly devaluing their victims whilesaying the former childhood friend’s boyfriend whom the friend wanted to marry, wasn’t as special of a relationship as with her and now she’s married to her friend’s. That's what happens? The innocent get homewrecked and cheated on and start to ruin their life villainizing them ostracizing them publicly as the narcissist clean up the havoc they made and treat the victim like the cause of it and dillusional to believe they were special and brag how they only know how to make a relationship work. Yet she didn’t say on her site like she brags to me that  she held his phone for months passwords & keys & was paranoid. A price for doing that to my peaceful world where I only got involved with people not recently involved and in any way involved. She got Divorced from the friend's former fiancé because he was not understanding of her needs to have more people in the bedroom and was supported over this on a  porn site like she was the victim? My ex  came home saying his groin area was sore yet he wanted some humiliating favors of a sexual nature and expected it, but wasn’t affectionate as usual, like I wasn't good enough. It felt dehumanizing brinking on sexual abuse like I was disgusting and a huge change from norm. He seemed snobbier with a new haircut. I learned a barber and pornmodelwannabe on OkCupid invited him to get a haircut. He guilted me over trust saying their was no other female. I was confused by the blame shifting, gas lighting and thinking over if I messed us up as he wanted me to feel and that there was no other female because really how could they had spent time with anyone else for as much time they asked of me and I was their biggest supporter and confidant.I really knew no one else who texted me so much and worried how they'd do if one had to be away for a while.She found my account when I calmed down because I believed cheaters end up destroying each other the same way, but she emailed my private account and had all my information and pictures and texts to and from my ex.I took the bait and saw the pic of them in the profile pic and saw all my ex said was a lie and it was not my fault and he was getting sexual in photos with them less then a week and it not just validated what I thought, but was worse.(The fairness, the no mention of me and the fake perfect act grosses me out. No he didn’t find her in the trash like she said, no she seduced him on okcupid and sent him naked photos while his pregnant gf was with him & they ruined more lives) It showed a cycle of two spoiled narcissistic people whose cheating behavior keeps more guilt free as it’s reinforced with others willing to cheat with them and paint their victims as a villain.How did I get portrayed?The most revenge I ever got, if any, was to report him at work for bullying his coworker after concluding that she was probably a nicer person after seeing how he treated me with no shame. His name is John Henry Wade. He giggled as he bragged how he went around to everyone at work convincing most she wasn't a good worker or likeable and laughed because she started to act paranoid at work by the way people are treating her and took her lined up job in secret and laughed over how he hates her, but she told him about her problems at work and still thinks they are friends. He also seemed proud that he's gotten people fired before and I don't know if the grounds after valid after seeing what he did to me. He does care how this effects them or what happens to them and seems proud of this sociopath like trait. I felt empathy for the coworker having experienced or seen this unethical behavior before and wander if he did this to me during the discarding phase. He was not worth meeting because he causes more loss than you had to begin with, as well as her. I pity her former friend who seemed to take most things in a quiet strong manner while the homewtecker did things she should be written off for, not the other way around. End up working with her and even in childcare in a place of trust she will smear you online as something obscene and call you everyone else lazy and take all the credit. Don't fall for it. His name is John Henry Wade.  a smotherer and I was  supportive and there for him all the time because I thought he needed that so would stop  his panicking and build trust and confidence in him & that seemed to work in a  way too and we seemed very happy and I trusted him and then the slip of the mask and him secretly talking with my former roommate I hadn't introduced him to although before that she wanted to see his profile. And then gas lighting, more gas lighting even with evidence, more apparent cheating, exposure, him still wanting control then the devaluing and discarding phase.(I loved and valued the trust and safety I thought we had)I ended up being kicked out while pregnant over trust issues while guilting me over it, then I registered there was an angry yelling female involved in porn homewrecking me from downstairs and yelling "throw her out", another narcissist with a history of homewrecking her friends who did not care about humane treatment fairness, others relationships, or others needs being met or how unjustified her or his actions were. I believe in doing no harm to others. Her name is Tiffany Rainwater and her porn name in Carnelia on suicide girls, the rejected applicants who pay membership to be naked. How'd I get into this after years of being abstinent and uninvolved while learning after rape and abuse that I just wanted healthy real things and now it was ugly and trash. It made me more demisexual and I felt surrounded by sociosexuals trying to turn me into a villain for getting cheated on and they went on to say I my relationship was not real and I was stupid to believe what they said or that I was special to them like the bullying kid who manipulates games changing the rules when losing. It destroyed my life and my esteem and support network, and resulted in rebuilding moving, and this woman played the victim like I was an intruder being walked on and immediately my ex switched faces making me the enemy. These people never go punished, but seem to get their behavior reinforced by flaunting people they poached and publicly devaluing their victims whilesaying the former childhood friend’s boyfriend whom the friend wanted to marry, wasn’t as special of a relationship as with her and now she’s married to her friend’s. That's what happens? The innocent get homewrecked and cheated on and start to ruin their life villainizing them ostracizing them publicly as the narcissist clean up the havoc they made and treat the victim like the cause of it and dillusional to believe they were special and brag how they only know how to make a relationship work. Yet she didn’t say on her site like she brags to me that  she held his phone for months passwords & keys & was paranoid. A price for doing that to my peaceful world where I only got involved with people not recently involved and in any way involved. She got Divorced from the friend's former fiancé because he was not understanding of her needs to have more people in the bedroom and was supported over this on a  porn site like she was the victim? My ex  came home saying his groin area was sore yet he wanted some humiliating favors of a sexual nature and expected it, but wasn’t affectionate as usual, like I wasn't good enough. It felt dehumanizing brinking on sexual abuse like I was disgusting and a huge change from norm. He seemed snobbier with a new haircut. I learned a barber and pornmodelwannabe on OkCupid invited him to get a haircut. He guilted me over trust saying their was no other female. I was confused by the blame shifting, gas lighting and thinking over if I messed us up as he wanted me to feel and that there was no other female because really how could they had spent time with anyone else for as much time they asked of me and I was their biggest supporter and confidant.I really knew no one else who texted me so much and worried how they'd do if one had to be away for a while.She found my account when I calmed down because I believed cheaters end up destroying each other the same way, but she emailed my private account and had all my information and pictures and texts to and from my ex.I took the bait and saw the pic of them in the profile pic and saw all my ex said was a lie and it was not my fault and he was getting sexual in photos with them less then a week and it not just validated what I thought, but was worse.(The fairness, the no mention of me and the fake perfect act grosses me out. No he didn’t find her in the trash like she said, no she seduced him on okcupid and sent him naked photos while his pregnant gf was with him & they ruined more lives) It showed a cycle of two spoiled narcissistic people whose cheating behavior keeps more guilt free as it’s reinforced with others willing to cheat with them and paint their victims as a villain.How did I get portrayed?The most revenge I ever got, if any, was to report him at work for bullying his coworker after concluding that she was probably a nicer person after seeing how he treated me with no shame. His name is John Henry Wade. He giggled as he bragged how he went around to everyone at work convincing most she wasn't a good worker or likeable and laughed because she started to act paranoid at work by the way people are treating her and took her lined up job in secret and laughed over how he hates her, but she told him about her problems at work and still thinks they are friends. He also seemed proud that he's gotten people fired before and I don't know if the grounds after valid after seeing what he did to me. He does care how this effects them or what happens to them and seems proud of this sociopath like trait. I felt empathy for the coworker having experienced or seen this unethical behavior before and wander if he did this to me during the discarding phase. He was not worth meeting because he causes more loss than you had to begin with, as well as her. I pity her former friend who seemed to take most things in a quiet strong manner while the homewtecker did things she should be written off for, not the other way around. End up working with her and even in childcare in a place of trust she will smear you online as something obscene and call you everyone else lazy and take all the credit. Don't fall for it. His name is John Henry Wade as Corditeifth on instagram. Baited me when I didn't know they their and didn't want to and fell for it, even if if they had all my private info texts and pictures. I'm more private, although I was before and you can see her picking out lingerie and rings on Pinterest trying to validate truth from lies said during gaslighting there before your brain decides which route to take and reroute and then he starts bragging about cheating and blaming my reaction to cheating for cheating.  She is Tiffany Rainwater on many accounts and on carnelianrocks and one of the rejected applicant hopefuls & the bad poetry and petty annoyances and employee and friend backstabbing can be read there if you are ever victimized and they try brain washing or gas lighting you and you are in shock because you weren't looking around before nor comparing and minding your business until you realize someone wrecked yours from the inside out and has a fake story portrayed on instagram or Facebook, while you are destroyed erased left out, left suicidal and painted as some villain or whore when I'm a Demi sexual, an ex girlfriend, romantic, a bow apathetic empath. He has cheated before at least on two people and it seems like a cycle so nooo no hope, narcicostic abuser. She has homewrecked at least twice (including her childhood friend) so I suspect more than that and more cat fights under her belt and to her cheating is no big deal because she texted from his phone "everyone cheats. Get over it" yet neither of them would feel the same of themselves and being narcissists have no problem touching and using and messing up others for their selfish whims and lists and place their needs on a much higher level than their victims or others as narcissists are expected to do while stripping away your needs as a human treating you like trash as if it is no oh deal nor what happens to you. You can read about all the bosses and coworkers she trashed too. His screen name is Corditeifth after the band I couldn't stand and he's on a few account. She's CarnelierocksHe will get everyone to hate to or try to or make you feel alone during discarding and laugh over your paranoia feeling proud of himself. Prepare to be shocked from within and attached like a Trojan horse less than 24 hours of lying in the bed with him feeling safe and she will mimick the roommates or whatever friends, get your work info text and pretend all the roommates or those they can reach in your network all hate you and are on her side if she can't get them then reveal it was her all along and those extreme things her ideas. Guard your private info and network ft these people bc if they can turn them against you to make you feel alone and in the wrong for being betrayed or as if it is your fault then they will imitate them without their permission not caring if that would bug that person or not that seemed to like you. He enjoys screwing people up and enjoys getting them paranoid and does not care what happens to them. She did a similar thing to her friend who was beyond tolerant for what she did and still when she should had been cut off this person took the high road and she still tried writing her off on a blog as the bad guy when she didn't deserve a place at her table. She has been accused of sexual harassment before at work & tried to turn it around on her former crush at her work for sending inappropriate pictures she said she'd send her Mom, but I myself had trouble breathing and was unable to sleep when her and my ex sent a photo of them screwing naked while I was pregnant and weeks afterwards. They prefer to hurt and blame victims for their cheap ego boost rather than have their victims heal the easier rational way before the damage is done and suffering happens but the hypocrites would never want this done to themselves. They do everything to prolong it and enjoy suffering and blame the victim and are highly unessearily cruel. I only forgot myself when I thought of what her poor former childhood went through. My friends have a sick joke about Daddy issues and I disliked because most of my fatherless friends are against harming other people or cheating or wrecking families and wouldn't want to contribute to that problem, but this one is on a cycle of that just promotes whatever issues from childhood she has by home wrecking someone who would cheat and doing it to expecting significant others acting like my pregnancy had no meaning, and they should have no repercussions, but  to them they preaccuse you and label you to scare you off to avoid it despite them wrecking your life and every little thing that is of no harm like apologies when it mattered then is such an offense to them that they'd go much farther than any of us would or any empath they victimize.


The thing is I didn't want to categorize people so they aren't multi faceted people even though home wrecker did that to me from the start yelling at me in less than 24 hours of snuggling with my boyfriend being assured I had trust issues and my apology was accepted and being told there is no one else, I just want you and asking is there a baby jokingly. But he in less than 24 hours of me practically living at his house and being asked to be there for him as he got off of nicotine was heard a yelling dominating person he met just a few weeks ago on OkCupid and was so possessive I wandered if it was the house owner. I do remember it was the first time he switched days on me and said come by this day, but if you come this day you can't come again and my Mom asked why? It was out of his usually behavior with me who he spent more time with anyone as he said that it went noticed. Of course I wanted him to have time with friends and not forget his family friends because he spent so much time with me that I didn't believe he'd cheat or had time too and would think it a pain. Anyway he changed into a completely differently person or that always was him and it's like me getting thrown at in the most extreme way to create the most drama and shock and gathering my things was orchestrated to hurt me permanently. I know I'm a safer person to be around than them and never filed police reports over people who hurt me and I'm a natural genetic empath, but I think they enjoy purposely destroying the good qualities in people and traumatizing them by being so unreasonable and villainizing their victims so they can watch your reaction of shock pain and be like see? They're awful so they have justification to hate you when they had none

 Ruining qualities they had a shortage in so they can frustrate you and pretend like I have no right to be mad and it's them. That's what sociopaths do. They choose empaths often because they say empathetic easy going people as safer targets then get off on watching them get frustrated villainizing them when they finally speak up for themselves. Well I've never purposely destroyed a life, I've never cheated, or harassed anyone. I know in a dangerous situation I'd rather be there to talk and calm people down and make peace rather than escalate the situation and purposely frustrate people to feel powerful because I used to believe more people had empathy and the capacity to do the right thing and would prefer less drama but that seem to have this raw power hungry craving to feel in control and destroy people and enjoy their frustration over how they got away with it and act like they're better people and the wronged party when I took precautions from the beginning to try to not walk in on anyone's relationship nor the end of it and avoid being a rebound or used. I don't believe people who use others are valuable nor get their logic in using others like they were used or cheated on and am not attracted to these types of I get a whiff of it. If they were selective in how they treated one person better but brag over even justifying how they used one innocent and act as if that's their problem I'm instantly turned off repelled and want to go find that person and make sure they're loved and doing better no I don't feel special or privileged if that's how they chose to treat someone and try to win nubby saying they treat me different and wander if they'd be into slaves if legal and got off on using people like objects? It makes me want to go find the people they trashed, bragged about hurting and let them know I see through them and through the pattern and even though I felt close to this person and like a best friend I began to see more clearly what they do to people and the pride in no caring of their well being and I don't believe them, I think they were victimized. I think they were better looking, nicer, smarter, more empathetic and tried for peace but were mocked, I think they deserve justice and apologies then and there was no justification for what they did to them and want them to know they might've made you feel ostracized by trying to make you feel surrounded by people like them that you thought liked you or imitated people on the phone as sociopaths and control freaks do, but I see through that and they truly are like a devil. It shows that home wrecking cheating don't pay off because you don't get real trust, she monitors his accounts and has to go around to convince and ensure people all hate the victim and play them off as a villain who deserved it (but didn't) and until they're on the next person it's like they give phone calls with no response so I ignore the phone or staked out online when they're going back and forth and it's like or really like they're ensuring I'm the wreck they turned me into without the network life confidence personality or strength I had before to keep justifying me and to make me as unattractive and the villain they want me to be. I'd never want a person like that in my life and would feel protective of my relatives sweet friends the hardworking good intended people who'd never want to hurt others that never hurt them and have them traumatized shocked like me in a way to keep me from healing and with the blame which means it takes longer to heal. I don't think they're relationship experts, esiecyally on others relationships and it's illogical for her to say or him every time they homewtecker or cheat that the relationship before their existence wasn't real because on this basis if we believed them, why would anyone trust them or get together. It's like playing with the mean controlling kid who never developed emotionally to be fair honest and enjoys the rewards of control and bullying instead who'd change the rules, but this time they're an adult and put many people in no win situations purposely to feel powerful when I enjoyed the mutual respect of not taking advantage of the other not believing one need to be in control nor that relationships aren't real bc you violate the terms they created with me in secret. Divorcing doesn't mean you throw out all nor change the history of what happened but respect people in that place and tint. Please don't believe that they are relationship experts because they feel smarter or better at relationships for manipulating lying home wrecking or making it work by monitoring the accounts of your ex and holding the phone or trash talking his aquantainces into hating you and trying to make believe they all hate you and side with her and that that's right to make you the wronged person feel like the villain. It's prolong healing and frustrate you and eventually they will lose power over your emotions if you were attached and trusted them and they'll push you over the edge to try to be the most shocking although everyone's seen that already and isn't impressed and actually tired bored of trauma and know they like nice reasonable honest people more and that this drama makes people run. Ironically they'll still want power over your perceptions of your past self esteem and try to turn you into the monster that were till you lose your class not believing you could get dragged down there but need to watch the usual curse words to impress the ex although their low behavior is displayed on the wall and that they live a fake life in a way where they don't believe without scheming that they could get anything or make things work because they do. I'm in a better place now, I'm unreachable and bullies are looked down on and if you wanted to compete thigh I don't want to compete, you couldn't mess me up as you had so you can't come along to nice people land. They're too wrapped up with scheming and monitoring emails, (oh the pains and paranoia of homewrecking that comes with being a home wrecker and cheater) and making sure people still hate people or don't ever get their life back. I don't call making that work by acting like a demon or schemer or confusing people and making up lies or think that's trust and think it's too time consuming and defeats the purpose of a relationship or companionship and isn't love but more about control and feeling powerful and when they release you and act like it's you the problem, it's really the mess that made they're destroying and lived in feeling sneaky smarter that they releasing to rest and ensure you can't recover or regain what was unjustly destroyed of yours. The childhood friend sounds like a sweetheart, I'd love to hug her

I'd never let people like that in my network because I don't want to worry over my inlaw sister whoever friend getting their life ruined and worry over what was said or lied about in secret and all that garage that should give people a hint that these types of people are trash and not worth meeting nor the exhaustion or frustration over them screwing with logic. I'd like to think, well I would think these people aren't worth endangering others tearing up your circle or crucifying one of them because they go in savatougibg an innocent and need to make them look and feel bad to have a reason

I've heard don't slut shame or religious issues and they bring up stereotypes as if someone attacked them as if I'm a stereotyping machine that hasn't but might've labeled them instead of being a reasonable rational human seeing people upfront as multi faceted. Nooo not once did they admit hurting people is wrong but just deflected it to religion or how everyone cheats or babies don't matter or slut shaming but try to stereotype me as a religious conservative fanatic and a person who wasn't in a relationship but just in a sexual relationship..:. Ethical sluts aren't sluts to me if they aren't harming anyone nor scheming. Unethical sluts such as ruining someone's life who never hurt yours and that you had dangerous destructive bad judgment over and lost rational thought over unjustified jealousy over a person who has never cheated or home wrecked and minded their business and tried their best to harm no one…. that's being an unethical slut. That sort of person I wouldn't want near my people because I'd love my people too much to know my sweet friend could be home wrecked and this person who hurt their girl friend or childhood friend or coworkers would make up any crazy excuse without true justification to home wreck or cheat or hurt them to destroy their life if they wanted that relationship or house they live in. There is healthy jealousy, and then that kind of jealousy that I can't be around because it's wreckless and without justification and causing harm and usually they try to provoke jealousy in their unsuspecting victims who usually minded their business and we're kind of pleasing but someone didn't appreciate how they were content nor wanted the best for everyone and never meant to provoke jealousy so they destructive green monster wants to destroy them and turn them into them and act as if it was deserved and make people have them and try to drive them crazy to change them and get a reaction so they can look like a villain

Avoid people who say these things that I've noticed around in bullies narciccists home wreckers cheaters who usually want to destroy the traits in people they see as likeVpe in people so they can pretend they're the better people now or wiser yet it happens in cycles and there were always better ways to treat these victims. Avoid people who say this:

You sound insecure or they said you sound insecure (when you notice cheating… it's natural to feel insecurity when cheating becomes obvious when you had little security before cheating and they'll never acknowledge that that behavior is a result of them. It's used to control you for their impulsive out of control actions. Sometimes it's the homewtecker saying you're insecure to feel powerful or shut you up as they wreck your life and enjoy putting these insecure jealous feelings they unjustufyingly had into you. It's like playing with a mean kid who doesn't get the point of playing or friendship and just wants to change rules to hurt control but now they're an adult. It's like they don't appreciate how not annoying I was when not insecure and cheating makes people insecure and it's a warning sign and should be payed attention to and they use this to try to shut you up and keep people in place to keep using them not appreciating the mentally healthy status quo there was before

Gas lighting 

Messing with reality truth

Narcissistic comments…. I don't know how to respond over a narcicost but find them repugnant and being a newbie went for their vanity or how they judge other people trying not to let them change my history perception and get brain washed because they can't respect people's time place relationships and want to feel in control of people's perception of themselves and how dare I or another if I felt special…. this is why we don't home wreck. I don't know if because daddy wasn't around is their way of getting esteem by ruining lives behind the scenes to feel superior instead of feeling secure in a secure world without that? I don't get the logic nor think it's satisfying because it's like they should be looking for someone who wouldn't cheap on anyone. Revenge over the person who hurt you or reciprocation and what they're not good at… that's easier to understand but by ruining innocent people or families or hurting other females by going for humiliation or esteem or to make them feel not special, I don't get. I also find it unhealthy that lucky me had a shorter ex boyfriend that resembled your ex husband that you homewtecked from your former childhood friend who you thought you'd be friends forever with? You just gave yourself away that you took the man your friend wanted to marry and are now blaming her for the demise or is this bragging? You're the nasty kid no one has fun playing with or walk away realizing they want nicer honest healthier people and this….. although I don't find you model material with far elephant legs fat ankles and a chipmunk face with and underdeveloped inverted chin…. no matter how good looking she is, some where in the world some man is tired of her shit. Meaning they lost attraction and power over them. People may be good looking, but that doesn't mean attractive and the kindest people that lift you up, those become the best looking people. If I wasn't low before and am low now, know you dragged me there on purpose and I saw how you narrowly view and trash other people and it took a lot to get me here and purposely destroy my chatacter so now I judge you by the shallow limited impossible standards you judge others by and the rules you apply to hurt others but not yourself. People who don't cheat over home wreck and respect others relationship that preserve and appreciate my well being make for great friends but a home wrecker, a cheater… one who'd rather destroy you first.. don't because going back with a home wrecker coming around or having access is like a hazard to them and you'd frame or entrap them again as you did before and didn't don't want that done to yourself nor let the person you wouldn't let them be friends with be friends, but dare wouldn't not allow that for yourself but were not someone that respects others relationships or well being and feels like they have to make them not feel special. I'm friends with exes, but I respect their past exes and their present and future relationships and I didn't home wreck them nor was home wrecked nor cheated and I'm trusted and not a danger nor threat as a home wrecker was to my ex's future girlfriends or past. You're no White Stripes, no where near that cool or understanding, but the one like it's all mine, give me your house life friends and give up your career and take my blame and be the villain and act grateful anytime I act like what I did wasn't a big deal nor anything to worry over, it was just my life and environment. 

You called your all your coworkers fat cubts cows lazy and claimed to do all the work and acted like you'd be a better parent than those of the kids you watched? Do you think I'll believe you or question your narciccism and why you choose to take down the whole group including at the office you worked at once again attaching the whole group again saying you want to outlast everyone and then your bosses and I expect anytime you sexually harass someone and they feel uncomfortable that you'll try to trash them or get them fired and destroy them so it's a no win situation if they do or don't. Who gets divorced over sexual reasons and plays the victim still because you still played for pity in wanting to sleep with more people and called him not understanding which I don't get why you went for my ex?!, because I never saw porn around him and he mocked men who go to that strip club implying I wouldn't be safe there when I asked what that building was. It's like he saw a good girl and some malformed sinister part of them stereotyped me as a good girl and wanted to shock and humiliate me to feel like a reduced sexual object that was just used for sex and that's what my relationship was about and lift up the porn model wannabe to use as a weapon to further your attack as if I attacked that before. I'm into not doing harm to others and it's kind of universal. I never suggested Church but have some beliefs and am just a critical thinker with no definite opinions on j it but like to keep things open instead of becoming some hateful judgement all stereotype. I don't understand this small movement to glorify home wrecking or cheating and taking pride in ruining people and villainizing people you never hurt you and hope this happens to you ten fold to reform you and him for your good since you don't like peace reasonbut prefer dehumanizing and destruction and do it so casually as if taking pride in not caring how people end up that you were closer too. No it's not a special privilege to me if you were fake nice and did a 180, it means you were fake and deceptive. I don't get how you can glorify that home wrecking cheating and treating your victims like used objects is cool or should be treated casually and as if no big deal but not for yourself? Never believed that should happen to yourself and any time I defend myself it's still no where in comparison to the damage you did but you get more dramatic about it, anything to villainizing me my reactions to you hurting me first and again and again while you acted like destroying my life or threatening me was no big deal. I did nothing to you before, I didn't cheat, I already apologized for my faults trying to make sense as if you were a multi faceted person who saw me as multi faceted but for the sake of being selfish you villainized me for me getting hurt when it's I who should have been the most justifyingly upset for getting cheated on and lied to. I don't get your reasoning nor find you worth listening to nor ever knowing and just think you tire people out trying to reason with when most people make me feel calm and make sense. You look more like a chimp. Just judge the narciccist by their impossible shallow standards they use to judge others by and then your world is put in. Small box of impossible tiring standards and it's just paranoia and vanity and constant checking in the mirror and not love, but shallow while if we just shut you off and ignored you then we could have the rest of the world back and all it's more interesting things and Beauty and better nicer people and you'd get ruined by your own standards and reasoning. I liked hair dressers before I knew of you when I minded my business and trusted but realize though I'd like to have a window, I watch my back and am more private cautious bc you people like you who will make up any reason to hurt anyone and act entitled to check in on my life and make sure I'm down and hated to put you at ease bc you're a sociopath and you a narcissistic home wrecker who doesn't respect others nor want me restored to my former self or life and just stay as you wanted to make to be bc if I'm at peace with anyone that upsets you or if you don't bug me anymore and I couldn't care less then that upsets you. It's like you know you're with a cheater and you're a cheater and not the nice kind of poor people and don't have many similar interests but keep going back for power or control and I'm like I don't deserve to get a home wrecker or ex look in on me to ensure I can't recover again as if now my privacy is theirs and it's their entitlement. I didn't compare myself, I was content thankful and I didn't ask annoying obnoxious questions about my body or my butt like her and repulsively put up the bikini butt of a poor innocent stranger wanting them to trash it to make you feel higher. No her butt is superior and that was a beautiful lovely women and it's not your business. Let her be and keep your jealousy in check and know that your impossible standards are senseless and they'll always be people better looking or different or more interesting or a higher gpa or younger and maybe a home wrecker like you or they may want you to be happy while they're in a relationship and you selfishly are jealous to this person who never hurt you and are trash talking the poor person on your porn site. Can't you appreciate and respect people's differences and know they're are different types of beauty instead of your labeling or feeling the unessarrt need to compete or destroy people minding their business and instead asking did you love your high school friend more? Were they special? Better looking? So by engaging you all exes get trash talked for your narcissistic and I love you'd denied and no one is special then though they were bc you must feel like ppl masturbate to you always or are just every persons love of their life and you go for people with dead beat potential. It's annoying and most my guy friends roll their eyes wanting to know why they chose this woman the drama queen who keeps asking about her ass butt or fatness or look through their selfies or fake modeling photoshop photos. Anyone can take off their clothes even if they're you with fat elephant legs and a chinless chipmunk with a nearly indented flat chest with no shape in the waste or hips or plain face without makeup prone to age faster and calls people the age of my ex an old hag. You'll get older too and people who live in your narrow minded world by your standards will think you old and your appeal less and you'll age faster .land me… I used to be annoyed by it , but still get carded and feel panicky and retreat when hit on by younger men I feel motherly to because that's quite the change from much older pervs (not all) trying to turn me against older female by flattering me by my old age. I didn't start hating older women nor think that justified these creepers…. no I saw it as a warning sign to avid those types of men and that they live in a no win land for females that have you dying at 30 for 60 years. I asked my ex, about the same age, if my age was a problem and bc I noticed he had dated older women than me and with nicer more compassionate careers than you but then I wandered if he was preying on empaths and looking for money, but then he said no he doesn't think of it, and then you endorsing cheating on people of his age by justifying that I'm older than yo that whenever he cheats I'm aitomically the villain and in the wrong or wrong to have a boyfriend loyal to me if you want to homewteck me and I've done nothing to other people to deserve that but you start trashing me like the trash you are to make a dillusion of why I'm such a villain and wrong and you're right to home wreck.  Need to feel hot or trash people to feel better by tracing people or home wrecking and do it to the nicer people unlike you who minded their business most the time until they turned around trying to understand what happened then stalled making an opinion till they looked around finding way more validation than they thought they would for their suspicions and that they defiantly were cheated on ad gas lighted and it was uglier than they set the worse case scenario for. So what I got out of it? That it's ok and the female automatically becomes the villain of you wrong and cheat on her or home wreck her and being his age or older than you means it's right? I don't like this prejudice I feel about hair professionals since you came into my existence when I tried everything to avoid hurting people and having a mentally healthy fair relationship and protect myself and others. I feel guilty for the nice hair people I know when I see a hair place bc I now have prejudice and while I know there are many great people in hair that you're one of those whose career reflect your vanity or desperation to cater to men and touch them and be whatever you think they want and be fake nice and nasty and villainizing to your victims. You think flirting entitles you to tips and with men who are spoken for? Your career choices reflect your narcissism. Wanting to get into porn and do whatever you think they want to say I'm special while looking desperate for attention and to feel like you've won or are superior. That's desperate and anyone can take their clothes but many are just more healthy and don't feel the need to reduce themselves or worse, other females into objects and categories where they're no longer multi faceted. Anyone can use photo shop. No I'll never go there and I wasn't asked, and told I was what they wanted and they were happy and never sent a single nude photo and think continuous selfies of myself would be annoying and imbalanced and saying my relationship is mostly about foremost the physical and so I put up with the rest and tolerate it even if she destroys people or he cheated or I have to tire myself feeling panicky bc of the drama pain I know I caused others and paranoia by monitoring his activities phone exes people they talk to drive by his work. (I've never been by since that day but to drop off the ex's deceased father's book bc I thought ppl are understandable and that's crazy if I were to burn someone's stuff) and left it on the outside of the gate and I left and it was three blocks from where I used to live and still she went off on me like I was a criminal though I m pregnant and was practically living there before and people used to talk reasonably and I never once yelled in person at them. I had never been in a cat fight, but sadly after adolescence when I used to think people get better with age…. I think I was in my first car fight on the phone, his phone with her and I got the strong impression she'd had many cat fights before and did this before and felt comfortable people impersonating without their permission and him too to ostracize me. And I practiced cat fighting for the first time and I'm over 30. Forgive me for being around his age. I never said fuck you to anyone but not till 29 but it was by email and to a guy who sexually assaulted me after years of celibacy and no dating and yes I have issues and am learning how selfishly people don't care about people but want to feel powerful over having used them as objects and created by boundaries instead of getting combed and learned as an empath that yeah it's great… this GG gene and the other markers so empath as can be but I'm depleted by these people and destined to get pushed over now and then so it's like a curse and I'm learning more ppl are really not as caring but bc I don't like genetic predispositions to limit ppl try to understand the other ways ppl feel empathy and this leaves me feeling apathetic and I'm grateful when I feel my empathy again meaning my needs were ruined and my strength assets and that's they way sociopaths and narcicists want victim to feel by hoarding resources and destroying yours to call you weak and not acknowledge the unfairness of the situation or that it's partly their doing. I'm not attracted to these types. I just want an empath nor want to fall into any type of screwed up logic over what appeal or superiority is that shoots up cortisol so over time I instinctually avoid these types. What I don't get is how my ex was or did a 180 and took on his me wreckers beliefs and personality and reducing ppl like her and took yo her sleezy lingo as if that's attractive by suddenly treating me like a non multi faceted person not deserving of fairness apologies or humane treatment or like. I feel disappointed and unimpressed if I meet ppl and they brag or too lazy to apologize to the people they cheated on for and it's very off putting and I know it wasn't necessary at all and narcissistic. I always want to know if those ppl are ok and if they treat it casually like they're fine, then I'm further out off at how they'd be more uptight in anyone treated them remotely like that and I jus don't see the love or appeal or satisfaction in their relationship or delicate terminal friendships and then it feels all fake nice. The humble honest apologetic people are exceptions… it's like they should leave the neighborhood if they can't get along and feel the need to destroy people, not their violainized victim bc whose safe in their circle and who will they respect. It's like they're trying to inflate the value of trash in a crappy place.. loyal poor couples that never cheated, that's romantic…. but narcicistic couples who cheated home wrecked being poor together that's not about the little things anymore nor love, but egostically desperate and embarrassing looking and it means leaving out the rest of the beautiful world for sleave and every other song for crap bland music and hating popular things for crap things and sex that was sweet and special bc it was someone recovering from injuries and like two celibate ppl that were more serious about finding someone and more about safety so even if simple it was better bc it was nurturing and nothing like an ugly repulsive unflattering porno that actually I don't feel bc it seems like it's about trying to make ppl look as unattractive and as humiliated objects and not people and partly while I'll never go there and to be fair it wasn't asked of me nor hinted at…. so when my ex tried implying over text my relationship was sexually based to insult me and a lie, I was taken back saying the sex was sweet and preferred over that of a very skilled bc I thought it showed you weren't all about show and not a cheater and so no it wasn't about sex but companionship and it's ludicrous like all of this and to think that he'd imply he's a sex God and get offended when I said he wasn't the master nor highly experienced seeming but it's like we were both virgins again but improving and he got so offended more resornsive than other times saying he's a fuck machine?!? And no that's not what I'd call it but when it was loyal and when I thought he was a serious monagoous type I liked the little things and that until I realized he was a cheater not going above bc I was so appreciate and easy going and loyal and home wreckers were for time off from work or taking restaurants and to impress and try harder and I thought that was the best he could do with me… so no now it's all trash and bad and I'm confused over how the porn model wanna be who divorced over sexual reasons claiming victimhood again for problems that creates, chose my ex so simple in his approach and claims strictly no avoid and might want children on okcupid and age limits five years older than her. I guess he was compensating as he later claimed he cheated on others later in my relationship. I don't get how cheating hurting me or others makes sense for what others did to them and how doing that to empaths and not even the likeness of the wrong speed fixes it? You just lifted up the type that cheats on you doing the reverse. I don't know how healthy it is to home wreck again, repeating mistakes by hurting yet another person for my shorter resembles that resembles their ex? Seems like it's get distorted and they look more like a quiet prop that doesn't compliment them but just shuts up and sits back doing whatever to get the physical side of things even if the home wrecker will hurt people and is a drama queen and annoyingly narcisstic and off putting with annoying questions and annoying petty insecure questions about their physical appearance that drags them shopping and worships things more and treats people like shit in their nsrcicisstis world and even apologized for not posting more photos of themselves staying they should have someone follow them around to take photos of them all day like them looking ok the mirror or admiring their angles is interesting or as if people fantasize about them or wander what they're doing. I'm like what's appealing or superior about hair dressers that it's just an empacis on the physical side of things even if they're a bitch and implies careerists empaths are people to use for money or for their kindness, but ppl like her should get better or more treated like over entitled spoiled princesses? I don't agree that certain people are to be used or treated like rebounds or used humiliated for certain times nor like looks are their contribution and it's fake love. Who wants that? Not I. It's annoying when you ask about your butt or makeup or hair or want people to trash innocent people's looks for you for your insecurity or treat poor people like trash. 


That all you complain of is Ferris wheels (which I used to include in my paintings before I met you) shows you're snooty and have to make up petty shit up to have an excuse to hurt anyone. What because I showed you my coffee cup? But you what did you do and what does it say about me if I have worse things to complain about that I was more diplomatic about and you more extreme and punishing me violaining me whenever you decide to cheat. Logic in that? Controlling? I wish I had never tried to help someone without a license or diploma to get better or with car rides… nothing wrong with that, and you can educate yourself but when he cheats it just started to make me look desperate driving this more apparently sleezy guy around which the home wrecker was so desperate to drive around later. It used to be my dream to just ride the subway and trek places. I had a motorbike scooter motorcycle hybrid too and it goes way faster on the highway than that pesky excuse of a scooter and on the PCH. And my sister nicknamed me wood nymph long before you had it since you should know I'm older, around his age since you called me an old hag. Please stop contributing to the mental health problem if you're complaining of your own living with the men you cheated with trying t make people homeless. I got hit by a truck on my scooter, but no I wasn't hit by a vehicle like you because I was walking around drunk… yeah life is art, but it's a turn off and fake off putting when you destroy your victims and leave out the ugly truth and create this world rotating around you people where your victims don't exist or are villains. No one found you in the trash, but you wrote him on okcupid while he was at work asking to cut his hair. How mature is it or make you safe or worth being around when you feel entitled to imitate people or roommates on my ex's phone to try to make them feel ostracized. Most people call you drama queens and say they don't need that, that's not worth it. You should be home wrecking and therefore not destroying people or the exes and declaring you're the best they ever had and the others were nothing for every guy you home wreck. You're no white stripes and far from easy going or reasonable. You and your daddy issues. I pity my friends without their dads, not people who illogically contribute to the problem. You actually brag about making relationships work and I can't and make it work how? By destroying people and cutting them off trying to scare them from defending themselves as you live in paranoia and envoke it in others because as a home wrecker and person whose betrayed people you know you deserve worse so how is making it work by holding my ex's phone and not trusting the natural order of things and obsessively checking his accounts passwords me and making sure I'm down. I got dragged down low by a person whose been in too many cat fights and loss my class seeing how you insult people online including everyone you work with and call them fat lazy cunts or cows and claim all the work and imply the parents are horrible? Okay elephant legs. You who sexually harassed someone at work putting them in a no win situation and then blaming your victim. I never trashed a single female when I was doing better before you showed up yelling and I didn't trash you then… no not till everything was destroyed and too late and I feared this changing me. At first I laughed saying I'm free and can be in the mountains anytime instead of his grueling schedule and knew this mood wouldn't last and I'd wake up. The poetry is bad but would be better and easier to read if you weren't so fake and trying to portray a perfect fake relationship. I hate it how I view people differently after you awful people. I knew empathy is my downfall and in thinking ppl are better and would doing the right thing but after getting depleted and seeing I had a biggest genetic dose of empathy one could have before environment came into play and hate how I think now I need to see people's spit to test their empathy but am afraid of what I'd see in your sample or Johns (because he doesn't deserve to be called John Henry anymore). 

He stopped showing depth and the home wrecker acted like my relationship was of no depth and I had no importance and it was just sexual 

Talking about you and denies it but it's obvious



I thought it was cool throughout bc it was more about innocent understanding ppl who are not pulled into nor concerned with a race or power or control or the unhealthy need to humiliate people and feel superior or cheat so they don't rush into to destroy or get attacked to people from a couple so it's more rational and less cloudy and simple without feelings getting hurt or communication distorted or sceming and about nurturing friendship companionship and far away from unhealthy disorders or agoraphobia or backstabbing. There's no rebounding or compromised people. 

What I don't get is the people who didn't get or prefer to have a fair or shallow built relationship by destroying trashing scheming as if they don't like natural reasoning or something without lying or scheming or a natural flow of things bc that's insecurity undeveloped. Trust was knowing you don't have to go through their things and get anxiety when gone and knowing they won't get you close and then betray or ghost you or cheat or beat you or take advantage of your trust when they establish themselves as your safe base. I was watching a video in class. I think I'll keep up a class throughout the rest of life as part of my health regime, but following trauma I'd probably fail and I get distracted still, but have to compensate from r easier recall during louder times when resurfaces during tests and pulls me back into the past or steals time when I should bonding with relatives instead of ppl who didn't want me to move on or felt it too important to hurt someone for any ego boost and I had tried my best I well I tried, but anyway. Immediately Following trauma some days I can't recall the word fork so I would've failed so these ppl that choose who boosts by sacraficibg your well being aren't worth meeting or risking for for the invaluable peace of mind they aim to throw away over a cheap ego boost. But being on my period I teated over by secure base getting destroyed and destroyed and one of the issues with schizophrenia is distance after a while and the difficulty of learning to trust and betrayal and that creating paranoia….. and I was oh no I'm no I'm thinking about home wrecker and daddy issues from absent father in early childhood. And I'm like they're old enough but doesn't justify destroying people or hone wtecjing and spreading the problem and thus happening again and again with my ex that looks like her first ex husband. It's like she's the poster child for daddy issues and on porn. I don't like it how they attribute the men that they go after as absent fathers or cheaters bc that's weird but she just began to look more and more like the textbook example though most my friends avoid actions like that hating replicating what they see as aiding the problem that hurt them. So I don't get why when I date someone that was apt to be involved that whole time and concentrate on other things and heal why they see me me happier and healthier example and that I'm almost like my old self and pleasant to be around, weaker than before she I was by myself but bouncing back is harder after too much… why? Why? You like the dynamic…. but no you think it's all ok the guy and nothing to do with going in without drama pain or games and you miss the point and you can't replicate it and don't value the trust that was so important to build that made me almost like my old self and with a support base? You want to be paranoid and look embarrassing going through things or watching all your friends or lost your friends sir destroy them? 


To try to mess me up to prove a point when I'm functioning and blending in and healthy minded is sinister as if what you do isn't bullying, to mess someone up who has come a long way by pushing buttons to purposely drive them mad reminded me of someone in an argument about something entirely different so they shriek in a high pitched voice at the deaf person with the ochlear implants or took their hearing aid away to hurt them. It reminds me of the female who was several feet away and started to turn but stopped but my friend got power hungry and instead of handling the situation escalating it by embarrassing me and yelling at the poor female and drawing attention to us by further making concentration hard. I don't know his point but I used to freeze when making a mistake if I was shamed or yelled at. Most ppl negaototiate it automatically and then they're done and neither party hate the other but you learn they're sorry. If you can't give ground to a photo?

If you shame me over sleeping in the moring? What a better way to handle it

So since the ppl involved aren't agreeing but put themselves in an unfair situation and sort of left it up to me to be the peaceful forgiving one and sort of enable their bullying and their opinion is so different in a way to enable it bc getting involved in my relationship to undermine it I ask everyone else or everyone else who wasn't combed by a manipulator to agree to cheating or changing amgrrenrjts secretly in your head while being in a monaganous relationship, I ask other ppp for a rational viewpoint who can see more clearly than a jealous hone wtecker or my roommate secretly writing my boyfriend or putting me in a no win situation where I lose both ppl either way in the long run and they act entitled to cheat or test me but I'm the only one who trusted or was expected to trust and not test so they created the problem. They didn't appreciate my simple method for trust but only hypocritically for themselves after they trash and ruin the ppl they undermined then they shame reciprocation or defense and try turning tables when in the beginning their was no wgeckless power shaming or ego ir this need hurt ppp 

Bikers share the road, cars share the road, runners walkers share the road bit please don't act like other as a whole is the problem and why do you have to get motorcycles or the other? I've been run over with a bike twice and because this guy is out of control and and not on the right side he almost runs over me and my loved ones and curses. Where's his reasoning or middle ground and why does he attach groups? I've ridden a bike most my life and my scooter or a motorbike or bike in Korea, but please don't put me in one group. I thought you were a more reasonable critically thinking person to take on the persona of such a bully or group hater who talks crudely like poetry of he lite his penis in me or says everyone is crap. Maybe your music wouldn't seem so awful to me if everything else sucked to you. 

It's like they found out I might have this condition I got from too much trauma and bullying and decided to poke at it as if my privacy, or respect for my relationship didn't matter but everyone gets the advantage over me while I work on trust so they can not be honest and when it surfaces and is too hard to ignore then I get shamed over asking for their help with this and gas light me though now it's worse than I thought. He enjoyed she did making me paranoid like his coworker and blaming me for their ego and watching the paranoia spin after that. Hurting the disabled like my friend screams in high pitch when fighting with his friend with cochlear implants to hurt them. I did not do this to them, I thought being older they'd appreciate the lack of drama of stupid things like making people wait for a certain amount of time to have power when it could just flow back and forth and it did. Why be intimate or trusting with some waiting system where you wait, be a friend that you want to preserve. I had wanted to move here or California for a long time but friends and family beat me here and after bullying in gov I was hesitant and skeptical by my former roommates offer to come help and the offer to help me bc gov processes are out of my control and I was afraid of it hurting my friendship even if it had been years since she had talked to me but said I was the only female roommate she got along with. I used to mess with her getting argumentive over grammar like Appalachian and that's the worse it got. Tantrums from the hard times she was going through I was like ok, life is hard… and was like ok so you are the only female in your shop without a STD. Me too! Great introduction. Hope you get to get to your husband soon so you can be at ease. She was different with alcohol and it like watching over the Roomate because she'd hug everyone and the bosses and so we'd walk her home. It was a 180. I'm always walking home drunk people and keeping them from picking fights and getting beat up or getting too physical with higher ups. So knowing few people and starting over again I treasured my support network and the few people I had here so it was devastating like trying to ruin my foundation of trust when that happened by her contacting my boyfriend. Did she want me to get a boyfriend just to hurt me even if everything was precious and I had avoided relationships for four years so thus was delicate to me but not to other people I realized. They'd throw away your whole life away with the same excuses. I thought it was this sick prank and to keep the peace thinking this kind of like bullying and I wandered what she did and she wanted him to do something more but he didn't  bc I had shown her the profile and I was wandering why do this to someone you asked to help watch your kids a bit and wandered if asking me to come here she was taking advantage of me making myself vulnerable. I wandered if she was innocent but I believed whoever at the time to go back and enjoy my foundation of trust like a lesson bc I thought expected me to back away and get rid of it in this impossible situation that didn't consider for well being or need for trust loyalty important bc I always take the back seat in the past and thus seemed to abuse it and I was so calm wandering what I did or if he suspected me that she actually almost yelled at how calm my reaction was saying that's it and then I heard more screaming from her room about the time i got an apology and was told I cheated before. It was earlier in that day he said I'm going to dinner with an old frkdbf and it didn't seem to happen. He didn't guilt me about it like the later time. Then she walked to my room and said it's not about this but I need time alone. Can you find a place to stay. My o sis who threatened to not let me keep milk at her place and threatened to triangulate me over that saying I was over reacting to which I said it's just about milk and over milk you'd reach out to someone I haven't even introduced to you to yet bc you won't simply agree to disagree or that I just won't make a definite opinion of milk. My friends are precious and you want to do this over milk? My only friend in town? I don't do this to you? You should let it go. That's not the point. So I wandered if it was here and then got a text warning me about my roommate reaching out to her and how she wanted to talk critically of me . These women ! God! God! I try to not be like this but I want to have a healthy trusting environment and these women deny doing this stuff and create a mess and don't appreciate honesty or respect of privacy but only for themselves but I won't do that to them bc it's a head ache and defeats the purpose of his im trying to heal for a condition o might have from trauma. Let me heal. Get off me women! I didn't do this and my college friends didn't a do this or in high school and really why is that important, my well being having respect or honesty not as important as your petty needs. Four years and you don't think nor care to throw it all away and I want the best for you but you make it more challenging making me wander why you don't want the same for me and throw respect for me away or by privacy over petty irrelevant things?!? God woman! I don't enjoy my friendships as much nor find jt as satisfying or that you enjoy me if that petty crap is going on? It's like you're mocking how I got bullied and sexually harassed and it should be about healing not this discreet ganging up. How I can I introduce me now? Did you think my o sister would toss me out or forget my character for you with your suave way of talking I don't always have that you get when you drink wine? And then I thought of the the times she was tipsy and I babysat her and thought npooo whenever you drink wine? Bc my bf kept bringing up wine, getting critical of my roommate drinking wine and I said it's not often….. but she gets so nice but soooo then drama ensues sometimes or suddenly she loves everyone and maybe my boyfriend looks appealing and she thinks it'd be fun. How do you know she drinks wine much? Fuck you triublesome petty trouble causing women who say you don't talk cause no harm then deny what you said to say so and so just told you and one ours the other and the other the other. Freaking nightmare mess tiring not worth dealing with but you feel powerful over ppl and if you need this to lift up your ego or power over my personal life then I need better more honest people bc it's important with what I'm hiding. It's hard enough. I get suicidal and I'm happy now and you are just so selfish. So bad intented how low you respect my boundaries in comparison asking me to move here to be vulnerable bc I wouldn't had agreed to it if I'd known. It's not worth it but you didn't care bc being cruel to feel powerful was more important to you. I hate gossips. I hate underminders. I really am much more interested in mental health and the natural order of things and want to see how things happen and not with bullying or gossip bc that's definitely not wiser. I have a higher standard of how to treat people than you both and their private life and how to communicate and have things easy and healthy nourishing on my relationship to make my own decisions and not this selfish crap. Seeing this around with texts to back it and how things had been so good I wanted to move out of state bc my support system was eating itself and here's a person who doesn't respect my privacy and I've shown her my bf after becoming my old self like she wanted. Didn't like me happy?  I didn't want to be around gossips or bullies by this time but happy in a healthy loving marriage with a small family and my best friends and close friends and it's like you think ppl get better as they get older, but no they get worse selfish not caring if they just threw away things you valued. Why do I keep running into more selfish ppl the older I get bc i can't say it's a high school of college thing those ppl are so anti bullying and it felt more safe respectful there than this. Did you need a system in place to respect ppl? Children have more understanding and empathy than this. I'm punished for a problem you created over an ego and a lefty matter less thing and you don't know when to stop until you're satisfied and it's all ruined but it's like they had narcissism and it didn't get destroyed as much as they like and hurt their ego and acted like it was originally their relationship and they just fell into my privacy age life drunk then got mad when it was hurt offended but not entirely destroyed so it's like the narcissist stayed in her room trying to secretly mess with my head in my relationship with her on/off boyfriend coming by occasionally and like waiting it out now with that waster energy wNting to control to rest. I forgot that but in the end I rethought it and everything was worse than what the signs seemed and her end behavior showed. I wandered is he blackmailing her? Is it her goal to have my lost phone or other phone so bad to have more influences access to my boyfriend than her and then destroy it and revel that now only I can get access to my ex through her as she ignores me and tosses our friendship which I feel used now. They no longer need you and bam and what was promised didn't happen and a waste as if just to further hurt me. He just seemed to hate my roommate and bring up these things randomly when she asked for help or to come watch and he felt like she was sabotaging it and questioned if she really had to work and I wandered is she blackmailing him bc out with it. Is it she will throw me out when no longer needs me or has more emails which I put aside in between the beginning and end and trust throughout. When I should be mad over the privacy in my relationship bear the end and he offered to let me see in the account and her opinion seemed more like she was too involved in something to give a rational honest reply that clashed a lot with most ppl bc it gives her access and I said he offered to have me look at his emails so I could feel good again she got mad raising her voice when I said he bragged about erasing the emails from her like it was her private relationship going around trying to undermine my relationship and about her but wants privacy f in her relationship that I give her?!? I'm like she's mad? I'm the one who should be mad… she really switched it around in her head from her perspective to suit her need to control or undermine or my good friends don't do this or date exes or try to end and cut things off to get their way in like musical chairs. This is desperate of you. As a man or significant other, if a man…. I wouldn't want this type of head ache or gossip in my relationship, it's all ugly and as a female I definitely don't want it, don't like it and I know it makes me less popular when I say no they're not let's not do this, thus isn't nice and then they say why do you ruin my fun? Angrily. It just ruins the beauty ease of things and this is an uncessessaru head ache of ppl expected to lie even if they threaten you with it that they lie about with ease and it's so unhealthy.


Let's practice working through letting go and how to let go of beach aches like lying to the face over petty things like who took that photo. Someone did not develop but chooses control way more often and I am not satisfied nor impressed with relationships where one needs to feel controlled and the other takes the fall more often for the other as it goes to their head. 


That's my photo

No it's not

Yes it is

(And then the crap went on and I'm like what you put with and act like for sexual reasons and why a bitch?)


What’s a better way to have debt with this?

That's my photo

Oh I'm sorry, but I loved it so much I wanted to show what you took. Mind if I use it?

Oh now I'm flattered.


If you can’t be truthful about this and weren’t about cheating then what a pain and controlling mind bending thing to deal with where it looks like it’s about power or having control over another.


What you do for porn or mean people who build up your esteem when you cheat with them by building their ego by villainizing the girlfriend or wife who know they’re messing up an innocent person that didn’t deserve that inevitable trap and now well used to be honest but then it’s you lying to the face now that ruins the present and makes my spin in depression and spikes up the voices when you cheat. Did I have issues before cheating and it was too obvious? No

Another trait of cheaters and the more unhealthy ones where give up hope and it’s lost bc then they’re bound to be more narciccist if and unhealthy to deal anymore bc then it’s just ego is that when confronted about cheating if they’re caught they often say it was a test as if privileged to cheat or blame you for getting depressed over the cheating and putting more stress and responsibility on you to be the forgiving one.

(And then it flows and life goes on and ppl do this this all the time and the photo was cool having meaning until you see the fight ensuing over it and seeing that one won't give in to the truth and then I'm thinking well now it doesn't even look worth it or that good of a photo but kinda crappy. Cool moment, but badly framed and fuzzy. Reminds me of a horrible fight I saw ensue after a death over a jewelry box in fri t of the poor relatives. Wolves. No… no not wolves.. the ppl that eat left over carcasses. 

Hey thank you for not burning my father's book

Instead of stay away from us.

Or good night and then leave it alone instead of the I'm going to report you stay away from us from the homewtecker who can't stand peace but needs exes screwed up as possible to feel better or at peace. 

I thought he was so strong with giving up drinking and nicotine but now I haven't experienced a single flowing conversation where ppl seem to make sense to the other but on a high note or like l yeah I know" and wander if they just have high or drunk conversations to get sex of the physical and everything else or quality doesn't matter even if the conversation sucks and it's like he went several bars down and is now this crude unfeeling altered person without depth bc what is felt is tipsiness. I had a crush like that and I thought of it later how what he said seemed to make sense but no no, I was blind stupid and too blind and just felt like I got it, he was too much of certain physical type and I can't remember what my type was then but not what it is today nor the physical. I guess I took his few words for more depth but he didn't feel he said and he was high. You just say yes to everything they show you like oh meant for each other and then you're like what was this? Did I get it or I was just so blinded to feel like everything's right. This music sucks….. no I don't like just a drum beat every few seconds and I don't know why I read this poetry and thought it was great and am embarrassed I read it later and see "this a warning, this is a poem about voyerism or something very abusivr or disturbing and I was like oh it's great. I love it. Then later … as it wears and problems or pot become more apparent I'm seeing more clearly and reading the poetry trying to think of good points too but it has thus disturbing title or these photos. I realized it's from a high perspective but when both are high they don't both see it the same bit are like yeah it's bestuful, I get it and the conversation wasn't great was it. 

I see that if I didn't know him now and see him with her I wouldn't like him and his sudden new sleezy lower personality he got since doing his 180 thinking oh he's in it for the sex, she's wayyy more imbalanced about the physical so it's drugs ho hums going through the motions and I bet he insults or thinks less value of the ppl he gets along better with. I wouldn't envy them or get jealous but see them as fake ppp wandering who they hurt or screwed over to fuck bc of their driven narcissism. Not a sweet couple, but the sleezy guy who likes porn and did it just bc she's sleezy and vain, not someone I want to look like or be like but mean backstabbing to her friends…. with petty fights or one learns to shut up while another puts them through annoying things…. not love but ppl who think you only get with females for sex and not safe ppl to be friends with. The kind that sue their neighbors or roommates or former friend's who will say they weren't my real frkdbf like they cfahge rules in their head as they walk around life with a dillusion all pedestal feeling like ppl should feel lucky they are fake nice to them even after they're mean and ruin everything. Who have fights who say it's hard work in relationships and I'm like nih uh…'re just nasty selfish shallow people who don't get it. 

What is it that the cyber bullying is so apparent that when I'm doing great and not suicidal and acting like old me living in the present and feeling better to be around and actually uplifting in a way enough to support other people and have empathy bavj that you have such the need to control people over petty things or without just cause original reason of who started it that you want to control my situation relationships or sense of trust and mess up the honesty and just control with cyber bullying and get in my privacy and intervene implanting yourself in there when I didn't do it to you and you it over petty reasons that weren't worth it and so petty it's an insult what you do it over bc my sanity and not feeling suicidal and recovery and functioning was worth a lot more than something so petty while everything else to you is so big huge and your you think I don't need much or deserve much much you much higher so you just pick at and ruin what little and have and appreciate like honesty privacy trust health in my relationships without cyber bullying or ppl selfish enough to get so egotistical or narcisstic they do it for their selfish unworthy high like they enjoy the high of secretly messing up ppl and I am private but you know what gets me worse and you make the bullying and ruining my life to make me feel controlled over petty disagreements of opinion over tiny stuff and ruin my mental health by denying it knowing I'm working on trust to avoid paranoia or feeling bullied and didn't think ok good don't mess it up bc she's finally not suicidal and paranoid and like her old self and happy and trusting so you just twist abuse it like addicted to hurting me when I get better and ruining up the fewer chances I get fewer in between the more bullying happens. I can tell hallucinations from reality in a healthy honest nonbukkying no cyber bullying environment and had things perfect and was healthy again but your need to control was selfish and screws me up and wrongly interferes with my life and the honesty and then you're just asking me to ignore your lies and bullying so you can keep bullying so then you're just abusing me and ruining the peace and health and bonds I had and I deserved better. You didn't deserve me or what I didn't do to you bc I'm so disgusted and turned off by bullies or gossips who just ruin your fair chances or bonds and esicialky if they deny it so casually Or treat you stupid and they are being destructive, very destructive. They are awful for my schizophrenia & fake people 

When bullying starts and it's kind of apparent, but denied and then the shit hits the fans paranoia explodes and then my paranoia taking me to long distance places and through scenario as I know to star quiet write but I hate this place the most and the betrayals or traumas that follow me around since rape or abuse and make me look bad and paranoia ensued but it started with evidence abuse betrayal then yeah I'm in pain with it my network in the mystclosong my new start again and every person involved as those those bonds respects get lost and wandering who to cut off to preserve what's left (none of it bc it runs deeper than I'd think necessary or rationally) so I'm like where to cut bavj on this tree and like I'll miss them… but they're bullying you and thus will only be suicidal for you later on and you're holding on to ppp now bc you don't know exactly who is yours and will keep you but you know if you don't cut off someone you'll never know who would still be in your life as you will wander about this chapter…. so start thinking things that ridiculous but cyber bullying happens and I think why did the cop who ostracized me and bullied me in a way look like the guy here and seemed to hide his face from face and just got stone silent when I walked in limping? My Roomate who cyber bullied me kind of and got in the business of my private life was on my online network so when I talked to a friend who she might've known online who knew my vindictive rapists who bragged of destroying ppl and had a list of 60 women did she talk to them and convince her I'm evil and get them to do that and she liking the attention and secrecy get into it or was really good? Did the cop the bully interfere and undermine my private healthy life and make it dishonest and split it up and teach them how to bully me and shut me off and get me to forever hate them and it be insulting to ruin my friendship making it so ugly that it's insulting to go back and his goal to not make he want something back that was good before he ruined it and pissed on it and had to control and ruin it by giving everyone advantage of me to hurt and encourage cheating or bullying and gossip and privacy of invasion? Or the other guy or another who hurt me evidently obviously fine and time again before that does do it for the ego that I miss but I'll do miss so much and already don't know what would've happened in a fair honest environment without bullying. Or her or my rapist or even my anonymous distant relative who yes she is a bully I feel bad and guilty bc she is ny very distant relative and I live wandering oh look we are bonding but I ruin it bc I think is she about to attach me again or just sent out mass emails now I don't know why this friend is ignoring me or is gone and she's like escalated to other person she was Fake nice to just a minute ago but got to severe my friendship without notifying me well now she's like ignore them, they're bad and talks of screwing them in court and then things are irrational. (I feel like the balance to your dark or there to patch up what you took to the extreme and just tried to break up. Ray and Khylo Rhen… yeah it’s cheesy) Why I hate gossips (not all or light hearted fun) and thus crap that ppl pride themselves on on being deceitful. Partly why I’m not popular but more so as a schizophrenic it’s bad for me.  I don't want to live here nor have relationships in a place like thus nor think them smarter or superior but cheaters at life and create a bunch of never knows and our abilities or how really we get along how ppl are true friends and come through or if so and so could've made it and gotten out of their poor childhood and have a healthy life but got bullied discouraged looked down upon judged and so fell back into an unhealthy life treated like a weathered adult of 35 more than a teenager who never got to have a secure base and then you turn me against by saying I'm what or think what if them or or fake and talk bad if them? They'll insult them later and call them trash but no they weren't trash bc you told ppl they were trash and just treated them like trash and acted like all they deserved was trash and so they feel back in among trash in an unhealthy environment with lower esteem and bad ideas from you. You don't want ppl to be happy or have healthy ideals or family but make sure they're all dysfunctional?

I remember a trip and it's the reason I don't take friends on family trips bc either they'll get hurt or I'll lose a friend as they gather with a bully but unless you enjoy feeling superior and ganging up and betraying your friends then …. it's not a healthy environment for them and it's if they choose to insult attack the friend they like or hate either way doesn't matter or suck up to them and take them away and pit them against their former friend…. but yeah a friend who who started crying on the trip and comes from a more quiet family said oh my I don't know know I survived that weekend. I don't know how I got through that. (I felt bad… but I wandered too sejfusgky did you think omg these poor girls endure that and just be getting messed up so don't believe her or believe it's the other way around and then I feel bad bc I pity my y sister who is my anonymous sister and bc she has something I don't know what but it's like a mean devil and over time it ruins things even if she got things by ruining it I feel bad bc ….. she wants to control it at times but too often I don't know. I knew this would mess her up with ppl and so she messes me up with ppl and but even though I still mourn my losses and one guy I'm like oh I see how you are and that was it and another I'm like you're smarter than that to listen to her advice… the wurst one bc it's for destructive selfish reasons and then she's bragging how my former brjther in law asked her advice of what to do and my y sister trashed talked his wife and encouraged him to leave. Talk to me, not to be narcisstic but pls don't believe that that person is wiser and without bad intent but it's kind of obvious and I've never tried to split ppl up or create nightmares or severe communication so I wander bc a fake looking profile on my former roommates page with crime fighter as an occupation was on my older corner rookmates page and she makes up reasons to hurt me and acts like they're all evil and say you never were in a relationship then and no one loved you and you just forget it, get over it and then say here I am compassionate enough but you are so unappreciative of my advice so no lore advice and then she acted if she did or the roommate got involved it was her right as a mother to ruin my personal life and that is not true. So I wandered bc I grew up trying to empacize and understand her if this is why I get homewtecked by ppl like the barber or my former roommate…? I don't fantasize about other ppl much especially of friends or involved before I knew then (not speaking of complications) but bc it seems like disrespectful and rape or I like seeing them for them and that's…….. I used to get grossed out still do like it's ownership of me or forcing oneself on your person and I like being honest in my head. I could look around to search for things that I bury and am ashamed of but if mutual ok but when I see a distant relative or friend and realize they openly Fantacize about my husband if I had one or ex husband if I had one ('at do it as a power play) then I get wary like you don't respect that and they were together before you knew them and knew that and you fanticize about it….. then that's I don't want to talk about it but if my former roommate did then how much you really don't want me to have a natural healthy thing or how little you respect me bc I know things can be an exercise in the head and with practice it improves and I don't want my head to get that loose or that comfortable bc what kind of person am I if I'm friends or talk to their other. 


Ppl before schizophrenia or rape used to speak up for me even sometimes bullies themselves. I didn’t expect ppl to gather around me anymore and defend me except a few and I expected ppl to stand up for them and the guy usually gets it better. He’s charming and much harder to detect during the love bombing. So since I’m already without and expect this anyway whether more gather around him and I get punished more but when before I’m bullied after the utter betrayal I expect it anyway bc pll roll out the red carpet for the initial bully and tell me to forget him which is much harder when it’s betrayal from the closest person and one person said he’ll get better as if he’d be rational and make sense again and call as and thus was when I was in my questioning phase over if it was me after gas lighting and he said catholic girls are different and expect more loyalty and get jealous but it wasn’t jeKist…. it really was cheating and he didn’t turn back into himself or apologize and be thinking it’s me messing it up wanting to trust and feel good again so bad was really him gas lighting me so it wasn’t the case of an innocent guy whose loyal and I the crazy never trusting female. I did trust and I wanted it back and I was betrayed and cheated on and I wanted to avoid the suffering and relapse from all the wasted time healing to be wasted again. 

I like my class but at the same time it depresses me like about infant attachment. They talk about developing infant attachment that begins with nurturing and always being there to establish security and it reminds me of my last relationship  that ended in betrayal and shock. It seems like you get self proffessed or these ppl who act like aurhortians on relationships and it’s the opposite of nurturing but more about one not two but one getting power to use the other or both like a thing and not be attached and then cut it off immediately or disappear with lies or not informing and to come back as if they read the book to screw ppl up and have control rather than a relationship. So embarrassed mine started out like ppl nurturing a baby with actual cuddling and availability and immediate feedback and both got securely attached it seeker meanwhile I wandered why my former roommate just ended it quickly with the ex with nothing inbetween so when she said give me your phone I was like no bc I know a way that’s worked before and I go after some healthier models that I admired and no one panicked or tried to destroy each other so I scoff at books or ppl who like to wait three days bc that seems more like who to have control why ppl wait around shy and less like friendship and to avoid attachment while getting intimacy or not intimacy but physical. I know they won’t be my safe base or a safe secure attachment if that’s how they start it and push for more and how will I build trust if it starts with evasiveness or lies or easy excuses so I’m like that’s fine for you but I don’t go out with those types bc they’ll treat their iPhone better than my well being and seem to care more about power over ppl and seeing me as some secure easy base to come back to… so no. I don’t get attached to ppl like that bc I’m more likely to run into combers or ppl who were abused like that and believed those ppl were right. Who in there tried to convince that cheating online from a dating site was ok and that lying is ok bc that’s what security is built on. I love my class but I get depressed hearing what sounds like building a bond like an infant for a guy that seemed like he was panicking and me myself afraid and then than 24 hours of what do you do when you are bonded and attached and you did trust but it hurts your mind seeing signs of obvious cheating and want things to be how they were bc now I’m on the alert for getting bombed or shocked and in danger and that’s what happened like he was lining it up to hurt me or shock me or someone taking out on me what happened to them and that doesn’t make sense bc I’m not like the female who did that’s bf hurting the loyal one who went on out of compassion at my own risk doesn’t make sense bc then you’re just enforcing and rewarding the bad behavior of the controlling person or manipulator who cheated or doing that by hurting the type of person they take advantage of and so that’s why he homewtecker and my ex seened more like about control power finance than love or rational or nurturing or a secure base or being gentle but preferring to shock hurt and only using what’s in a psychology book for themselves to hurt like a weapon to act like I’m not worthy of healthy treatment bc they use the opposite of what’s in that book for me. So when he said he had fun in high school afterwards I wandered if part of his fun meant serving his ego and hurting nice giving ppl and treating them like things to shock destroy use and rewardskbg the mean destructive behavior of meaner females or bullies or undermines and just spoiling them more for the ego as they acting like a drama queen princess with overinflated value from homewtecking ppl reinforces his while acting like the time and need to be treated fairly nicer special without lying betrayal or to be used later or taken for granted is less important for the giving empath that doesn’t begin with homewtecking or betrayal or messing ppl up. I hate it bc I’m so securely attached at this point and feeling healthy and honored by all the power my bf made me feel like I could have but I didn’t want to control but appreciated it bc I didn’t like some anonymous relatives idea that someone needs to be in charge bc that seems like one is deprived and creates insecurity and and by use of fear of leaving and so they wait around with the fear they won’t come back while expecting to be treated like a princess or they could leave and that is more like serving someone on a pedestal while your needs don’t matter. They wanted me to be more assertive and defend myself but when I did they complained not assertive or defensive to them but others would call them out on it and I’d see it happen and then they’d never fail to correct us and then turn it and get confused how we offended them now instead of us just getting bossed as if our level of needs should be lower so I get fustrated watching the guy’s face get all confused and embarrassed and then sad ashamed trying to understand what just happened. At the same time kind of pity the person who was bossy in a sweet tone bc they can’t seem to help it and I’m worried over this grinding on the esteem but I don’t understand the relationship like why isn’t it ok for me to go help and expect them to do it? Do I have to have this process mentality of control to get this control but I don’t want that relationship but good for them but it’s not the type of bond or nourishment or friendship I want and I don’t want to fall for that trap either. I just remember them saying I’m available too often for my boyfriend and I didn’t want to listen to it bc I was kind of more like a trustworthy caregiver to help build security in him as he started doing for me and he understood my confusion over things the don’t get. It’s like someone who believes in control or power ransacked and sabatouged my relationship and it’s as if their time and manipulation gets respected and rewarded more than my honest no one gets hurt start and ways. I’m not trying to train people or have the upper hand or someone have the hand over me. I just know when the addiction to a dating site began in the 2-3 weeks near the end that I wanted to be true to myself and not be in a dangerous situation that shocked me but I was secretly attached and he wanted me to feel like that and said I don’t care about the sure, I’ll take it down a few times, I don’t use it anyway so for a few hours at work on the weekends when he was at work and I’d see this active site why the green light again I’d feel this fight or flight (in a nonviolent way) to run away before I’m traumatized and betrayed but I’m attached and trying to say wait till I’m hone it fix it now before I lose my trust and get shocked and change bc I loved how trust felt and I don’t want to be in an unsafe situation and the voices get louder and then my world my network falls apart and the person I’m bonded to shocks me. It’s hard bc that is the way to form secure attachments and get a hone base and trust in ppl even when away and I didn’t look until the end bc I trusted him so much but he….. seems to panic and get online and it’s like they’d was this negative unhealthy influence saying she sounds insecure… well whT a way to homewteck and get in bc I was secure but that sure is a way to make me insecure naturally and manipulative and a form of control by encouraging dishonesty and cheating from someone in an originally honest relationship where trust is important… so it was hard and it’s harder to detect in him more than most ppl I know where I ignored my hunches and the hunches were right but this one was more like insecurity when away and secure when back. It’s hard bc he seems to hate drama and love Bombs you and creates a secure attachment in a healthy way without games or caring about power creating jealousy to have control as what the book says and by being perfect and then in the end shocks you while still attached with the purpose to shock or betray bc if you’re distant or drifted apart then it’s not real shocking betrayal and won’t hurt as much or create as much paranoia or pain as they enjoy. So afterwards ppl are distant shakey can’t trust and panic over ppl trying to get close and get their trust bc they may be like him and to believe that’s how relationships should be is not healthy but a way to use and discard ppl like objects to get ego boosts to act like feelings don’t matter and you’re a winner if you don’t care. I didn’t think he was into having power and would be the better person but I only started to panic when away when seeing the site on the weekends and was normal in between fearing danger as if someone is winning at underninding or distancing me or wants to really hurt me and takes advatage of the moments when I panic seeing the infidelity to hurt me and blame me for speaking up and sadly I realized he preferred control and power trips to have both so my head goes in circles over the skewed reality they made. Sometimes I feel like I have this long distance bully or homewtecker without real basis for hurting me that follows me around since rape that is never satisfied but whenever I have a secure base or am lucky to have the rare chance to trust again wants to take the opportunity to hurt me and render me schizophrenic all over again and trauma bond and shock me by forcing unhealthy endings and treatments on me so I feel nothing paranoia bc of what happens every time I trust. It’s defiantly not what’s in my textbook but I think to make me suicidal or make my psychopathic like them maybe by ruining my good qualities that come back again after healing bc it’s harder to bounce back the same like before. It’s like they want to prove a point by humiliating me so much with abuse like a sociopath like who were you to feel secure or trust or feel loved or feel special to think anyone would ever do the right thing for you as if they were in the one in my relationship and treat me like Super 8. Maybe I too often thought too highly of ppl and thought them to have empathy and want the best for others and no one to be alone when I was happy and like my old self instead of some mind screwing befuddling unhealthy competition and thought when ppl started to gossip or make it seem like cheating made them great or better ppl that they’d do the right thing and not choose the ego boost or to control or hurt me but what those ppl to not hurt me and be turned off by manipulation like that and tell me to get in it the healthy way instead of homewtecking for an ego boost or with cheating if you saw that I was secure happy and like my old self strong enough that I felt better to be around and to appreciate old me that I could be supportive and strong for others and worry over them if they have someone. I didn’t know that you didn’t want the best for me or didn’t enjoy seeing me happy like I was for you. I guess those without empathy think I’m like them which I don’t understand but do when the schizophrenia is bad particularly after isolation betrayal unhealthy stuff that depleted your needs and you make you apathetic and then empathy is more like harder manual work that I feel guilty and selfish and bad at those who hurt me when it’s gone as they wanted me to become to boost themselves up by cutting off my head and screwing with me till I’m like a villain. I guess they thought I was nonempahetic and cruelly intended like them and didn’t want anyone else happy but needed to destroy others to feel better about themselves to feel powerful over ppl and strangers like me. When paranoia happens after betrayal it goes out far thinking of every little off thing I know to be true that happened or sighting wandering is the rapist who I thought let me go though he messed up ppl or is this cyber bullying though some of it was or my sexual harrasser who never seemed satisfied and maybe hurt my deployment and tried punishing me when I tried saying no to this or is it …. they didn’t usually have good reasons but it’s like society beats me up and says roll out the red carpet for the traitor or the bad guy and go to court or don’t dare try to get revenge or middle ground and middle ground or rational ways they never go and I don’t get it. 


I never reported ppl who physically attacked me but feel pushed over the edge and like a boulder dropped on me and a bird landed on the boulder so reporting is easier is but as a setback getting attached is harder…… so I never burned exes clothes but finally just put him on reportyourex to document his cycles, his cycles and how much their destructive behavior and cyber bullying and gas lighting cost people which wasn’t worth it, I thought oh… this comes up in search results and makes me like a bully but then think did they care as I lost everything and all the healing worked for or that their childhood friend was ostracized by them or what happened to their coworkers they made paranoid? Nooo in fact they were proud they didn’t care as if it made them better and I couldn’t find valid justification for what they did. My clearance is discontinued and seemed to be set up that way only to hurt me and waste my time and I deserve wayyyy better and they sacrificed my environment and well being already soooo I’ve already been sacrificed. What can they do? It’s like they pushed me to where I can’t be quiet for bullies or control freaks and just shaming me over bringing up how they hurt me used to work easy so I never reported anybody for rape or abuse. So I have listed my references, the names, etc since I am schizo as I said to back me up and I figured I already look bad and if they see my chain of thought they’ll see just how screwed up the bullying and cyber bullying made me as his HR thought for the coworker he bragged about getting cut off and paranoid so I’ve already been sacrificed whatever.

It’s gotten the most looks and the pornmkdel wannabe went down in numbers while the ex as I figured went up bc maybe cheaters support him or crushers youngsters with unhealthy ideals of what attracts him that already attract him. I think he bought followers bc I’ve seen that package and started this silly competition for followers online to prove that you don’t have to work as hard in art to get followers and for some reason males get it better but the wise ones….

I knew that’d happen but it’s the less healthy minded ppl that’d gather around.

I’ve noticed online that there are more sociopaths public about it and kind of prideful more so than schizophrenic like it’s not such a bad thing but kind of cool not to care

Is it a sociopath’s goal to drive ppl to be psychopathic or like how they are in secret by trying to destroy their good qualities and then getting out of grasp after the victim lost everything had had trust and got betrayed in the end after bonding, being their closest friend and then I don’t know? When I’m around nice ppl and healed I avoid psychology books and did feel years getting burnt out but hate if when I turn back to it bc of betrayal or bullying bc you don’t need these self help sites when you have nice ppl not messing with reality or trying to force a skewed perception over your own

Sociopaths don’t feel remorse or care or regret, but only when exposed and then it’s anger but I have nothing and suicidal often anyway being schizophrenic so death is different for me.

I guess it’s worth leaving up if victims see someone believes them and it prevents more loss. Was it the goal to make my psychopathic like them? You’ve chosen to lift up the ppl who wanted us harmed and respect them and thus time more than those of us who’d never want to do that to ppl? Isn’t that rewarding ppl like the ppl who hurt you who are like them? Seems more like about power. 

I thought of a comeback for people who defend themselves to continuously who betray people or insult people they're around by saying "you have to grow up and develop a thick skin and ignore it."

Here are some:

Well cab can get a thick skin and be alone and lose a friend if you realize they find they would rather be happier and feel lifted up than put up with this

So you want to disable them from defending themselves and you be offensive although they forgive and ignore most of it throughout the day or forget it

Or so you'd say this if slavery or genoicide went on

But you are privileged and over me too?


It's like since getting this disorder I've lost my voice or credibility despite having had a clearance and being trusted before. It's like they poke more when it's real recordable to bring it out and scapegoat it to the disorder like silencing me like the patient in huntingtons disease who can't speak clearly and she has some time left to still be audible and understand but ppl get tired of hearing her and pretend not to hear. It’s what I feared bc then I’m like tragic Cassandra no one listens to and like I’m dead and so I just get ppl taking advantage of that or run into the ppl that create that. It was already a lesson I knew so it’s tragic that it wasted my time and healing and years of healing and none of those tragedies was worth it. I used to live without regret. They don’t care if you have no chances left to trust again and 9/10 throw it away anyway to use or steal or sabotage acting like it’s so easy to fix but at the same time want to hurt them so bad to enjoy the suffering or being like “see they’re awful now” after They sent them through the wood chipper or cut off Malificeient’s wings so if they really cared for you to move on or get over it and didn’t do it for ego or power or control then they wouldn’t do their best to be shocking and extreme when doing the better thing was easy. It’s harder to be the more trusting honest person when ppl give into power plays or wanting to control or ego and are using it to hurt you but Easier for them to do the right thing. Why want to hold a phone and look humiliated at someone can’t stray and you can’t break a bond without lying manipulation, that’s not something that makes you superior. 

Most women men cheated actually were nicer and more educated and that’s what I see in my friends and they weren’t control freaks but empaths mostly whose whose spouses used their firgivensss trust like an endless resource or mistresses using their power or cheaters using the mistresses  as leverage after bonding them as a secure base they feel they can go to after bonding them to control them rather than appreciate the health and love they had and lack of some game or punishment for defending yourself by guiding them but no these females were bestuful like with a doctorates in an empath field or masters who I felt special bc they were physically intimidating but such sweet nurturing types and they were egotistical nor cared about feeling better than me or compensating lack of something by insults or belittling or talking to feel superior instead of talk bc knowing how to relate connect is a skill and not bringing them down by acting above. If you were there or ashamed of not getting there by the normal tone as your peers you wouldn’t feel the need but your friends wanted you there too with them and probably didn’t want to cut off your head off to feel higher. 

It’s like you could always get away and recuperate and move on but now it’s like the bully gets to leave and not care knowing they’re not of part of your voices and you get away anymore so instead of temporary beat up in the head, it’s like all the time and stopping neurogenesis and so you can’t remember what healthy feels like or to be refreshed so it’s like that bully that tried to break through the four finally got you and their wish to change you and try to force you feel low about themselves as they want so it’s like this constant defense or being on the Alert interrupting the moment or gathering yourself and bouncing the bully off again and again trying to hurt your esteem to accept feeling like some slave so never think that people hurting you was worth it for them or it was worth sacrificing you 


Sociopaths talk rationally sounding and learn your weaknesses like empathy but when they’re angry and shaking mostly quietly yet sound calm yet nothing adds up when gas lighting you then they respond with anger by messing you up for defending yourself over them messing you up or cheating and messing up the environment around you. 


Sometimes I think if he got into it for the hobby or to compete with home wrecker to compete by getting more followers or likes to show it’s about advertising and if men can cheat and get more popular or more followers by being a man. I wandered when I saw the offer to purchase followers. Nooo… I’ll take my handful and private since he she sacrificed everything and my sanity even if I just had two ppl in town, him and her and render me to weak by destroying that and then call me weak like someone who takes your food supply away for themselves so you get weaker. Bullies of the disabled or already hurting bc it’s easier targets to them bc they know others got to them through their empathy. 

Maybe there’s a reason I’m not attracted to bald men such as a defense mechanism if I’m trauma bonded and didn’t get time to withdrawal yet and it looks shiner balder and greesier making him look more like the creepy older type that glisten with greese all over and are assholes to the nice honest ones that’d never want to harm anyone until they use them then don’t treat them humane but shock them for the ego boost too and reward the homewtecker with daddy issues by hurting the original girlfriend or wife by to boost her ego and destroy her by using her ada weapon and letting her destroy her and have access to hurt her and showing he lets her control him and do what she wants by sucking up and changing to get whipped by the home wrecker so the nice woman can see she was just used and nothing. He snootier than ever get sleezy because balding and more into porn.

Anything you ever do is only for yourself or if it concerns yourself but never for me or my well being. I’ll never respect you again nor treat you on the same level (someone with good intent honesty respect trust loyal desevers healing and new start in life many years ago and justice) no you’ll only be respected as much as someone who never changes and is just a sociopathic traitor who will only lie and cheat and ruin your life and that’s all I’ll ever treat you as with no access) never again and submit to their self centered timing that’s only used to humiliate and serve them to feel superior and guilt you knowing all the unhealthy things and unhealthy timing to drain and heal would mess you up and is to control and comb proper into unhealthy infakf standards and treat you like your tone did not matter as much as others or your suffering so you’re so screwed up from mental abuse gas lighting and greedy self serving timing to have power it was only always about them and power and didn’t matter to them to prevent the suffering or how much time suffering wasted or made you suicidal… it’s never about them caring bc they don’t. It’s always about them and it’s a cycle to feel better and superior knowing they meant to change you for the worse and leave forgiving or coming to their controlling level to embarrass you to switch roles but they never took that guilty role for a second and kept you in the Shamed position to deal with all and all the responsibility of healing forgiving and blame all on your own and if they were mad well it more your right that they took from you and it was bc if theuf narcism. They don’t care if you no longer can remember or recover but prefer you submit feel humiliation how their wrong hurt you and feel guilty over being different as they spoiled themselves at your expense to act some fake better person but really it’s a control tactic and them still in a cycle and they would do the same thing if they went back in time so they’re not sorry, they only show up to use for for themselves not caring when the time was best or easier to heal bc it was their intent to destroy ruin and guilt as what sociopaths do. Oh look? Someone only acts fake when it’s just about themselves but none of the ppl they used or cheated or mentally abused or ruined the environment or wasted time spent time spent healing like feeling suicidal is nothing because their time doesn’t matter nor if if people aren’t left enact as long as they’re traumatized to use again healed or happy or not but just submissive accepting unhealthy treatment and unfairness.

A loser is someone who destroys people he used and a waste to know after spending time healing from trauma and well being matters than these shallow people with not enough intelligence to have depth to see people other than something to use and view themselves as superior for hoe they lie and use and get power over people and why I’ll never treat you with respect or new beginnings or chances. If you treat the home wreckers or those willing to lift you up for cheating and destroy nicer loyal people st their expense and did in a cycle blaming them whether you change or lose testosterone you’re not smart enough for me or emotionally intelligent with enough depth to value stability or healthy ways or people who tried not to hurt people and never will be because you showed what you worshiped and respect less already and you just worship pork and bulliying and the ability to use nice people and destroy them and that makes you trash and an embarssnent to know in later life or know and too much time waster in destroying people so people are better off having health healing contact with smarter more in depth wise drama free loyal people with empathy like they had to heal and curbed cit people off like you eve. If they balded and lost testosterone and sex matters less so they stop choosing porn with their penis and controlling people. They’re not worth ever having access again or me vunerable. I never want to give access or respect to a cheating narciccist who wasted my healing and chose mostly in life with his penis or ego glorifying mean people and acting like nicer loyal people deserved to be treated less than them because that isn’t respect and that isn’t getting it or intelligent or in depth enough and I’d rather choose who I want in my world and that’s nicer people empaths who didn’t glorify destructive people over me or others and blamed them adding to their suffering and taking away from opuurtunitues or last chances so that’s mostly what you remember. I wish I had been surrounded by wiser better people that more often choose to do the right thing than repeat offenders like them who destroy and choose their ego and regard our time as less valuable or like we are just I exaustible things to be used time and time again instead of nasty bitch mean destructive princesses. I don’t consider him smart or wise either anymore and I don’t like bald men, he looks sleezier. Angry? Who cares and good because lust and anger is all sociopaths feel because he doesn’t view others with depth and I don’t care how it affects you. If you get upset, it’s only for you or to keep something you use for ego. I don’t care how it makes you look or offends you because it’s really bizarrely uneven how you view the needs of everyone else’s below yours with no care. Who gives a duck when you’re not angry or easier on me or different or don’t care anymore? It just shows what a power egotistical unhealthy control freak you are and who just dies it conveniently for yourself to have control over ppl and change them and ruin their life. I not you am the one who was wronged and it was your fault so it’s ludicrous that you are so snooty and sleazy and narchcistic to get offended over cheating on me and me speaking up bc of your dillusion am ego or that ugly pig who destroys people and an awful friend of women and blames the victim and a bully and life destroyer. I do not want the memory or bad feeling and therefore no contact from an asshole just because he feels wiser because his testosterone lowered and he treated nicer people like shit. I want only wiser people that preserved people and not the hoarders or life destroyers because I didn’t agree to whatever you did that ruined my life and you’ll always be an asshole controlled by his ego and penis when he had it to me and a jerk, not wiser even if you age bc you screwed too much time up and life and esteem and well beings up for those who were nicer to you that you used so no you’ll never deserve us and I don’t like anything you say or your shit shallow philosophy or technique of using ppl and recycling them at the expense of uneeded suffering and well being and getting suicidal or loss. I only let in people who made me feel safe or betrayed me after making me feel safe and I don’t want your undeserved burden of dealing with that part bc you purposely made it the hardest you could for your ugly ego and ugly pig. I only want loyal wise smarter nicer more valuable people here and not dangerous narcicistic ones who abuse my tone or new starts or healthier self when I am bc you destroy my healthier self then leave it up to me to improve on my own or change it as if you deserve a nicer trusting me. I’m the only one who deserve old me bavj or to trust again for myself and that should have never been for you. Only way to treat these ppl until the end of life when you have the unfortunate of remembering and suffering thinking of it and feel dragged down and then you change there, is to treat and think of them like the subhumans they treated you as and were too dillusionlly narcivistically dumb to not see you as more therefore showing they’re shallow dumb lesser beings for thinking of us as objects people to use who should feel privileged to get fake nice from them with treatment standards below other fake nice narcocostic shallow mean ego driven people that homewteck or destroy others life. Only when thinking of them only think in a protective way of yourself. I started to realize those types of view others as fake or weak and less than human or can’t be better than them and I wanting to be fair and have hope and believe in reason get hurt thinking ppl would try to do the right thing like me and do better and capable of reasoning or see the selflessness and have empathy for others… (yes sounds prejudice but I don’t get how empathy is learned yet) but I realized I’m a better human being and most ppl around me and therefore more expensive and more trustworthy types with more insight depth who’d never do those things or betray ppl like that… that is more valuable and weren’t dehumanizing ppl but maybe I should view the ones who usually choose ego at others expense as lesser beings, lesser reasoning skills who keep disappointing me to do the right thing and Bragg about it so u shouldn’t expect better of them and more from my sweet loyal dog. You gave my private info to an insane yelling hone wtecker who obviously does not care about what is fair for me or that she’s a life destroyer but act as if my well being or time or having trust and sending my schizophrenia out of recession is less important than her well being or ego to do the wurst. So doing the worst to hurt the most and blame me is more important for her ugly ego. If she wants to hurt ppl so bad and be the least wide and most nasty person that I never agreed to to know bc I was avoiding drama then I never would had agreed to know you but instead I had the misfortune of getting homewtecked who reasons frim an egotistical stand point instead of what’s fair or reasonable and does not care about ppl’s feelings but goes out to hurt them he wurst she can. She wasn’t in a rational enough position to make decisions or talk to to me or have any decision over my life or try to frame me and being a home wrecker would show how rational her decisions are when controlled by lust or control from another repeated mistake from a previous relationship she homewtecked from her childhood friend whose well being she again sacrificed and you only look like a shorter vertson of the ex. I can’t pity her and tried but can’t for how selfish and unreasonable and dehumanizing and nasty she was to me her father childhood friend and other people. I can pity that when she screws with others mental health if they were acting normal and so lucky to have trust again and have it in remissions. That’s rare and more precious than you’ll ever know and was never worth that ugly nasty sociopathic bitch and you. I’m like who cares for a botch who screwed up other people then whines about herself. Most of my friends with father issues are more rational and don’t want to hurt strangers or their friends or hate other females and lift up cheaters and assholes and just promote combing. I don’t know why that loud mean yelling female with the lighter short hair that cane into my work but I had to tell her I’d co tact the police with a crowd there. Her? I don’t know long ago but how dare you if that woman was here taking it out on staff to give my private info to. I wished I had been secure in my old building with attack dogs and guards and the fence and they’d shut the bitch down and turn her around. I think stupid is his favorite word and he called everyone stupid or most, but I and another think he wouldn’t feel the need to project this on others or try to overcompensate if he had graduated high school which he blames on the school system but blames for his cheating which he said were trust issues so who knows. He implied he owned his own house and had a masters when we met and it wasn’t until I was driving towards him did he ask to pick him up that I realized he had no cat or license and I thought ummmm how I was on hard times and had just been betrayed and sexually harrased at work at a nasty place where half were getting cut and lost my apartment when finding out my deployment was taken by my harrasers roommate maybe ego didn’t want to go and had family and my harrased said I could sleep on the streets bc I wouldn’t move in with him and people talked to me mainly when he wasn’t around but anyway understanding bullying but not knowing how to combat it and not over it and having been abused I felt bad for him and decided I wanted to help. 

Like me in denial I had a hard time shifting bc he got me in him like a pill through daily snuggling and constant contact as I did for him when I sensed panic but I noticed daddy issues issues was so eager to humiliate and hurt me to the extreme that she also wanted me to believe he was nice and humiliating me knowing he was a cheater and I the girlfriend was fine with her the more hurt and betrayed I got because it got her that ego boost that she wants by hurting other women, innocent ones even if she knows they start to treat me like crap sometimes after meeting her and knowing it like just dehumanizing me trying to use me just sexually and withdrawling affection. Daddy issues are all over her page. I hate the word and told my guy friends that as they complained over the possessive girls they lead on (jerks) but yes it’s all over it, the poster child encouraging men to treat other women like crap and victimize them. You don’t know at all how I handle myself when faced with that situation or how I get repulsed by men like that that’d cheat. I shame the man and I’m not attracted bc there is something very unhealthy and sad and selfish in there causing too much pain for ppl who deserve better. I enjoy calling them on their shit

Stupid is his favorite word despite the vast vocabulary. I never felt the need to make others feels stupid and I know my flaws and realized that these small briefforvivable attacks on him might’ve been to prove himself for not graduating and instead of discussing something once he seemed to get defensive like I attached his knowledge base but I just really like bees. I thought that if he graduated he would seem sometimes to walk around feeling attacked when not always. I stopped caring if I look stupid and ask stupid questions for others bc others may be shy and I am shameless now bc I was once shy. He reminded me of someone when I first met but that person stopped using the common traits I saw when they graduated on time and don’t seem like that anymore but more humble again. But they used to call me to talk to him to encourage and I did but I was afraid it’d hurt our friendship and influence. His gfs helped trying to influence and it kind of distanced them.

Hurry up and get a penis in homewtecker before she starts gossiping and breaking me up with my husband and steals his phone and ruins my friendships. No it may not stop with just that and probably get her a man that hasn’t been involved recently and teach her that makes him better than the ones who aren’t involved or rebounding or can’t be alone instead of whatever man models based what’s worthy on and ensure she doesn’t cheat on him and learns to stop lying and admits it’s unfair. Do the same to him. It won’t ensure everyone will be safe around you. She you shouldn’t be having to go after taken people or cheat for your ego boost nor destroying people who were not like the dead beat or people who cheated. 

I also noticed that a common things of cheaters homewteckers to say in response or to blame their victims is that they’re insecure, they were testing them (as happened to my beautiful highly educated most kind friend who’d never do that to anyone and got dangerously thin and depressed) or it was their reaction or act is their response was always how they were. I can’t see the camera on my birthday as a gift of pure love but seems like it’s more used as a weapon to hurt me but you intended me to see this earlier while at the time I was still convinced people are better, people will do better instead they hurt you and instead of apologizing they go father and farther to hurt you choosing ego more and more not caring if it’s highly uneven. They push you over the edge and don’t stop there unlike what I used to think. The camera on my birthday…. in class thinking oh God here’s all the terms about secure issues seems fixed that my ex blows up in my face. Which one do I have now? I was secure again… there is the daddy issues one… God I hate that term but bc of a that I have my fear back 



john-henry-wade-carnelianrocks-corditeifth-tiffany-rainwater/ Tiffany Rainwater, John Henry Wade or John Henery Wade, redrainwater,


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